I’ll be honest, my last few weeks haven’t been all that good for me but to go into details would be a grave mistake for me as it seems when I take about my mistakes people think I’m whining or don’t want to hear about my problems. But that’s just me. If you ask “How I’m doing?”, I’m not going to lie and say I’m doing fine when in reality I’m not. Just because you see me smile, making jokes, and/or laughing doesn’t mean I’m a happy person. In reality I’m as messed up inside. These last few weeks my mind hasn’t been shutting off at night when I go to bed. I just been thinking about stuff way to much. For example, I’m going to be 36 in May and as I look back on my life, I really don’t have anything to show for it family wise. I have no kids, no girlfriend or wife, or anything. Been doing a lot of thinking about adopting but know that is a very long ways off. Maybe not even feasible with the way my life is right now. I’m reaching an age where women aren’t looking to start a family. I want to have a family to give my lovely girlfriend or wife the love they so dutifully deserve. Every day going to work is a welcome break as it actually occupies my mind but when I’m off work, I cringe and don’t look forward coming home. I know when I enter my place its where everything starts going downhill for me. I have nobody to come home to to talk too or no kids running up saying “daddy’s home" and then giving me a hug. This is a huge thing for me. I know what you all thinking? You just need to get out there and talk to the women. Well, I do and when I’m about to ask for their number or something, something happens. For example, the other day, I was talking to this girl on the bus and I was about to ask her for her number when some jackass comes up and ask for her number. Did that piss me off? But that’s how things for me when it comes to women have been. I’m just tired of being alone. Someday I hope I can write about my wife or girlfriend and my kids. But for the time being, I’m going to be walking alone in single land.
In other news, UK basketball is doing good in the tournament. With Kansas losing, UK is now the favorite to win it all but UK have a big game Thursday night with Cornell. All week we have heard about the matchup and the different angles that the media has came up with. This is going to be a tough game for UK as it will practically be a home game for Cornell. With Syracuse being just 45 minutes away from Cornell, I’ll be expecting a lot of red and other fans who love to root for the underdog. If UK gets pass Cornell, they will play the winner of Washington and West Virginia on Saturday for the right into the Final Four.
Also, ended up buying an IPOD Nano finally. The music has been helping me drown out the thoughts that have been going on and keeping me awake. As I’m typing now, I’m listening to my Nano. Plus, I bought an USB wireless adapter for my computer in hopes of being able to piggy back off a neighbor’s signal to get faster internet speed. Even though I was able too it seems they know somebody has connected to their router as I get kicked off each time I log on. What’s wrong with people now a days? Nobody wants to share! *lol*
I also decided what I’m going to be doing after my VISTA assignment is finished. My ultimate goal is to get on at the Brighton Center full-time. It’s a company that I can see myself working for that can best use the skill sets that I have. If I don’t get on full-time, then I’m going to do VISTA for another year. This is huge for me to set this kind of goal for myself.
TL
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment