You Don’t Know A Thing About Me…

How appropriate is this song I’m listening to while writing this post?  It’s “Mr. Know It All” from Kelly Clarkson.  When most people are out and about having fun, I feel comfortable being inside my place.  Which is sad because then my mind start doing a lot of thinking about things that I know if I just get out of my comfort zone, I would be happy but I have nobody that’s willing to do things with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do get out and about a lot but at the end of the day, I’m right back here in my apartment.  This post isn’t going the way I want it to go like it’s going in my mind.  This weekend, I did some thinking about an unusual topic…DEATH!!!  And no it doesn’t involve me committing suicide or anything!  Everybody know when death comes for me, I’m ready to die.  I knew this since I was 17 years old.  But this weekend I got thinking that whenever I die, I won’t have a child to carry on my name like my two brothers have their own kids.  I know that I have a few decades in front of me but I just can’t help but think about this.  It’s not that I don’t know I have a problem because I do.  Things like this leads me to start thinking how I don’t know how to approach women that I might be interested in.  That’s why I’m always lonely.  Every day that goes by I can’t tell you how many women I see that I would like to get to know more.  So, when I do try to approach them I chicken out or I will just admire from a far.  Hoping that they would make the first move or they would notice me.  This is where I wish I had some kind of mentor or something that would help me get over this fear of rejection that I have inside me.  I hate that word “no”!!!!  It’s just not easy for me when it comes to things like this.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m tired of people telling me I should do this or that not because I know they are right but my problem stems deeper than that.  WOW…this post went far away what’s on my mind.  Bottom line is that I know that I have a problem and/or that most people or friends I talk to that makes judgments about me are correct but it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.  That is my problem.  I can do the talk but not the walk.  I need guidance.

TL