You Don’t Know A Thing About Me…

How appropriate is this song I’m listening to while writing this post?  It’s “Mr. Know It All” from Kelly Clarkson.  When most people are out and about having fun, I feel comfortable being inside my place.  Which is sad because then my mind start doing a lot of thinking about things that I know if I just get out of my comfort zone, I would be happy but I have nobody that’s willing to do things with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do get out and about a lot but at the end of the day, I’m right back here in my apartment.  This post isn’t going the way I want it to go like it’s going in my mind.  This weekend, I did some thinking about an unusual topic…DEATH!!!  And no it doesn’t involve me committing suicide or anything!  Everybody know when death comes for me, I’m ready to die.  I knew this since I was 17 years old.  But this weekend I got thinking that whenever I die, I won’t have a child to carry on my name like my two brothers have their own kids.  I know that I have a few decades in front of me but I just can’t help but think about this.  It’s not that I don’t know I have a problem because I do.  Things like this leads me to start thinking how I don’t know how to approach women that I might be interested in.  That’s why I’m always lonely.  Every day that goes by I can’t tell you how many women I see that I would like to get to know more.  So, when I do try to approach them I chicken out or I will just admire from a far.  Hoping that they would make the first move or they would notice me.  This is where I wish I had some kind of mentor or something that would help me get over this fear of rejection that I have inside me.  I hate that word “no”!!!!  It’s just not easy for me when it comes to things like this.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m tired of people telling me I should do this or that not because I know they are right but my problem stems deeper than that.  WOW…this post went far away what’s on my mind.  Bottom line is that I know that I have a problem and/or that most people or friends I talk to that makes judgments about me are correct but it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.  That is my problem.  I can do the talk but not the walk.  I need guidance.

TL

Can’t Fight This Feeling…

No, this isn’t a post about REO Speedwagon’s song “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.  Ever had a feeling inside you that you just can’t explain or don’t know how to fight it?  That’s what I’m having right now.  Is it a feeling of guilt?  Maybe that I could had done more for one of my families and that I let them down somehow?  Or are these feelings more about me?  How I always seem to start something but unable to finish it?  It’s like I lose focus on the bigger picture of things or maybe that the picture is to big?  Whatever this feeling I have inside me, it’s not good for me to have.  All I know is that I’m tired of having these feelings.  They aren’t healthy for me.  All I think about when I come home is how I can help these people more or how I can improve myself.  I really don’t have anybody to come home to talk to about it.  All I have is this post but even then I sometime feel nobody is reading these posts.  But I do know something?  I’m sexy and I know it!

TL

Homelessness isn’t easy…

Today, was somewhat a rough day on me.  As many know I’m the LISC AmeriCorps Housing Support Specialist where I don’t just help with the low income families/individuals but also the homeless.  It is something that is very close to my heart due to the fact that I want time I was homeless myself.  I’m in a position to give back but it’s very hard when the person I’m trying to help isn’t really willing to work at it to get out of homelessness.  Nothing is given for free without some sort of work on the person part.  There isn’t an easy fix to anything.  For example, the government throws money at homelessness thinking that will take care of it only it doesn’t.  Various agencies around the US put some limitation on their services to homelessness which is evident from outreach specialist that I follow on twitter and other social media.

I don’t claim to have all the answers but I could very well be a valuable tool with my experience at one time being homeless.  There are a lot of changes that are needed to fix homelessness across the US.  I think it starts with the actual people themselves that are homeless.  The government and agencies really need to understand the problem before they can fix the problem.  To be able to understand the problem they need to talk to the homeless and they will have a better understanding on homelessness.  Everyday, I’m exposed to homeless individuals and families that I just wish I could help more than I already can but I know I can’t because these individuals and families have to want these changes.  I’m always reminding myself that talking about my experience is a lot easier than when I was actually homeless.

As of right now, I have a potential of four families/individuals on my work plate that I can see in their eyes the determination that dig their self out of homelessness.  We started the process as I have them referred to various programs and etc.  I just hope they understand that I’m their for them if they need something.  This is what I’m great out is helping others and one of the reason I love what I’m doing.

TL

Missed me????

Did you all missed me?  Well, I’m not totally back on the internet but just have enough signal from somebody around me that is allowing me to type up blog.  A lot has happened since my last blog attempt.  As you notice, blogging from my cell phone really didn’t work out the way I thought it would.  So, I decided not to use my cell phone but will definitely try again soon.  Trying to find some good apps for my Smartphone that will allow me better control of my blogging.  I’m still struggling in life but that’s expected.  One of my struggles is my financial situation.  Seems like that’s just getting worse and worse.  I was hoping to have my internet back by now but things aren’t working out.  I’m hoping to have it back after the New Year.  Did I really just say that?  Is the new year about to be upon us?  Man, does time fly?  As soon has I have more time and a better internet connection, I will blog a better update on me.  For the time being, if any of my friends need anything, please e-mail me, text me, call me (for the ones that know where to find my number on the internet), or throw up the bat signal.  Until then, this post is to let friends and family know I’m still here and will always be here somehow.

TL

Showing my car the lovin’…

Today was supposed to be the day that I get my Goldie (aka the car) fixed and show Goldie some lovin’.  But Goldie decided she wanted to be a spoiled brat.  *lol*  It turns out that Goldie is going to require a lot more lovin’ and money to fix her up.  I was finally able to get my car hooked up to the dealer's diagnostic computer today to really see the extent of the motor problems that have been occurring to Goldie. 

1)  Timing Belts - So, before I can really fix the root of Goldie’s problem, I’m going to have to spend nearly $400 on getting the timing belts replaced and fixed.  If I don’t do this first, then the worst case scenario would be buying a used or new motor starting at $3400.

2)  Coils, wires, and plugs – with the timing belts replaced, it is also required to either replace and/or re-sync the coils, wires, and plugs in Goldie that throws off the timing.  This is another $400.

3)  Input & output Speed Sensors & the trans range switch – These sensors are the real root of my problem.  It’s these sensors why my check engine lights stay on.  Therefore fixing these will take care of the problem.  But just fixing the sensors will run another $300.  But then it’s also another $135 to fix the trans range switch.  Basically looking at nearly $450 to fix the sensors and the switch.

4)  Upper Oil Pan & Rocker cover gasket – Another $400 to have the upper oil pan resealed and the rocker cover gasket fixed.  They did say this isn’t as bad but over time it can turn into being back.

5)  Airbag light – as I mention when I bought the car that the airbag light has been on the whole time.  Right now, it’s not as important to get it fixed but finally got the answer I was looking for though.  As long as that light is on, the airbags won’t deploy if I’m ever in an accident.  For them to attempt to fix this problem, they have to take the seats out of the car and try to re-wire the wires which would cost roughly $90.  If they can’t, then the worse case scenario would be to install harnesses which would roughly cost $3000.

So, as you see my day of showing Goldie some lovin’ really turned into a nightmare.  I really didn’t expect this much problems with her but I have the problem now.  My mechanic will be calling me on Monday he said to see what he can come up with as a plan of attack for making these fixes.  Of course it doesn’t help when I really don’t have the money for this.  It’s part of life and growing up.  Time for me to start acting like an adult and take responsibility for things.  I bought this car and now going to have to figure out some kind of plan.  One that just popped in my head is the warranty that I bought?  I wonder if any of these repairs can be fixed under the warranty?  Something I will look into more tomorrow.  I let you all know more about what is happening to Goldie.  In the mean times send prays and money my way.

TL

Cold Stone Truth About TL…

I think the blog title of this post explains where this post is going.  Over the past week or so, my co-workers and maybe some of my friends probably thought I’ve been unsociable or not happy?  It’s not that I was or anything but more like I was doing some serious thinking about myself and the things I want to accomplish between now and when I turn 40 in three years.  There are several things I want to do between now and then but before I can accomplish them I have to figure out a major detail about myself.  It’s all good and dandy that I have plans and etc but what good are they if I fizzle out in the middle of my plan?  Like I said, over the last week I’ve been looking back at all the goals and plans I had for myself only to find a disturbing pattern to all my failed plans compared to all my successful goals and plans I’ve had.  That pattern is “accountability”.

“Accountability” is a major role when it comes to achieving goals and life plans.  Without that role, how does one keep them self motivated or continue to fight the good fight when nobody is there for you to turn to or be by your side?  This is what I have noticed about myself.  I have noticed that I start my goals or life plans out like a wildfire only see it fizzle away when I have nobody that is by my side through the process.  Without that “accountability”, there are days that that I need that motivation or the kick in the ass that a friend or workout partner can provide.  In all my successful goals or plans that I have seen through, I’ve notice that this role was present but in the unsuccessful goals or plans the role wasn’t there.  For example, in 2008 after I was diagnosed with diabetes I was able to lose roughly between 80 to 100 lbs.  The strict diet I was on along with the exercising I was doing, my mom and step-dad was there.  Most importantly my step-dad was a big influence on me when it came to exercising.  My step-dad held me accountable everyday when working.  He even joined me in our walking.  Even though his was a faster walker, knowing that he was out there with me made a huge difference in me wanting to do the walk.  Because afterward, we would talk about how that workout felt or why my time was slower or faster?  It was my step-dad that was my “accountability” and got me through the walks.  Another example, is my car IDA program that I started in September 2009 which ended in me getting my car in April 2011.  The “accountability” in this goal was both the Financial Resource Specialist and the rules of the IDA program.  I mean, would I ever been able to save $2000 for my car to be eligible for my 100% match by Brighton Center without the specialist or the goals?  Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have.  I have tried before and failed miserable.  These are just a few of my examples which aren’t very many.  Don’t have many more successful examples to give though.  So, I’m going to continue think about how I can create the right “accountability” to make my goals before 40 to be successful.

What exactly is my “Goals before 40”?  I think that will be the fancy name for my goals.  What do you all think about it?  “Goals before 40” is a plan where before I turn 40 years old, I’m going to accomplish these goals.  Everybody know that when turning 40 its all downhill in life?  If that’s the truth, then I want to have fun because the first 40 hasn’t been anything but fun for me.  So, I want to kind of re-invent myself over the next three years.  But I don’t want to fail.  My “Goals before 40” has three goals to it.

• Goal #1:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to lose 150 lbs or weigh around 200 lbs.
• That means on average for the next three years, I need to lose 50 lbs per year.  That’s very doable in my book.  It’s not a goal that isn’t unattainable.
• I’m going to need to find a workout partner.  In the past when having a workout partner, I’m very dedicated to actually working out.  I have no probably on a few days to work out alone but I tend to lose focus if its day after day.  But having somebody there I know will hold me accountable.  This is where goal #2 will come into affect.
• Goal #2:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to get my diabetes under control.
• Which losing 150 lbs will go a long way in helping out this goal.  So, what I’ll be doing to start this goal is looking at two things?
• 1)  Getting educated correctly.  Usually when diagnosed, all the newbie get educated.  I didn’t have the chance to be educated or take any classes when I was in the hospital regarding diabetes. All my education up to this point is me doing the research and filling in the blanks.
• 2)  Finding a diabetes support group.  I’m hoping this will help with the “accountability” role that I’m needing.
• Goal #3:
• Before or when I turn 4o years old, I want to have in my career job.
• First, I need to know what my career job is?  That is one thing I need to find out.  What exactly is it?  Is it staying in the non-profit field which I very much liked for the last two years.  Or is it going back to the technology field?  Is it a combo of the two fields?  Or is it culinary?  Is it photography?  What exactly is it?  Might need to figure this out first before I can start my career job.

These three goals will be a major start to my “over 40” years.  As you can also tell, these three goals basically go hand in hand.  These are very attainable goals to achieve only if I have the “accountability” role in place.  Anybody have any websites or know somebody in the Northern Kentucky area that might be a great resource or person to contact?  If so, please leave a comment here.

In other news about my life, I’ve also been thinking about other aspects of my life the last few weeks.  Here is a small quick update on things going on.

One of them is about AmeriCorps.  It’s beginning to look like I’m going to be doing a third and final year of it.  Well, I have decided that it will be my final year if I do so get a third year.  I’m kind of counting on it.  AmeriCorps would help me greatly to work on my “Goals before 40” plan.  Basically be working with low income families and homelessness along with some new responsibility.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Second thing is that my car is slowly being repaired.  When I bought the car, there were some cosmetic stuff that needed to be fixed.  So, I have gradually been fixing small things.  But this week, I’m going to have my “check engine” light and my “airbag” light fixed.  I’m hoping my car will make it to this Saturday when it goes to the dealer.  I’m having some problems with it currently due to the “check engine” light.  Apparently, my car decided to give me a code of “system to lean”.  This problem started about a few weeks after I had the car.  So, barring no major expense I’m going to have it fixed this weekend.

Well, thank you for reading my whole blog post if you are reading this.  Please leave a comment.  I’m tired of having no comments because I think people don’t want to hear me but it’s all part of the “accountability” I’m talking about.  Feel free to e-mail me if you want.  I’m always looking to meet new friends.  Again, sorry for the long post.  Enjoy your morning and/or night!

TL

Two Songs that explains TL today…

Today has been a day that just is to hard to explain.  You know when people know you aren’t yourself and they keep asking you “are you ok?”?  But you lie and tell them nothing but in reality there is something wrong?  You just don’t know what?  That’s how I am feeling today.  But after depressing around and watching “GLEE’s – Original Song” episode, it somewhat came to me on how I can feel to people through two songs.

The first song would be setting the atmosphere on where I would be and that is “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Michael Bolton.  Yeah I know but I have to be honest.  But it’s not really a bay though that I’m looking out over.  It’s more like a ocean.  But somewhere out in this massive area is like a “needle in a hay stack”, which I like to call my problem.  All I know is I’m sitting on this dock looking out into this massive space knowing that my problem is out there but just don’t know where.  So, I feel like I’m just going through the motion everyday.  So, as you can tell from the lyrics it fits me perfectly as what’s going on in my head.

Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the 'Frisco bay
'Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home

Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

The sad part is whenever I have a problem, this is how it feels like sitting on the dock of the back wasting time.  It’s the same place over and over.  But something happened tonight as I was watching “GLEE”.  They did an original song called “Get it Right”.  When I get in these moods where I’m searching for my problem I tend to watch shows either about music or I watch music type shows like in this case “GLEE”.  I’m glad I picked this “GLEE” episode but as I was sitting on that dock of the bay tonight, the song they sang at the end called “Get It Right” brought several good questions about me that makes me think about “what’s wrong with me” or guide me in the right direction at least.  Here are the lyrics for “Get It Right”.

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send out a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Now this songs almost fits me to a “T”.  Every time I’m like this, I try to ask myself questions to figure out my problems or why I’m depressed or something.  The very first question is a good one that I never have asked myself.  “What have I done?” can’t be any more direct than that.  What have I done to be in this certain situation (i.e. sitting on the dock of the bay)?  I have been playing this song over and over trying to figure that out.  I honestly can’t tell you how much this song speaks to me.  In the above lyrics, everything in red is what I would be asking myself in another post that will be coming in a few days after I sit down and think about those questions.  Maybe some self reflection will help me figure out myself?  Maybe it’s something I need to do to see exactly who and what is wrong with me?

How many times have you all done what’s in green?  You know throw your fist up in the air acting like you are punching it and then saying that’s life basically?  Even though you know it’s not fair or anything but you accept it?  I know I have several times.  But no more.  It’s time to start thinking about change.  If you want to listen to the song, click here for “Get It Right” video.  Enjoy!

TL

A Small and Quick Update…

I’ve been going back and forth on if I should be sitting here right now writing this post?  One minute I do and the next minute I rather be doing something else other than writing this post even though I’m going to be sitting at the computer.  Why do I not want to be writing this post?  Sometimes I feel nobody cares what I write in this blog.  I do have a small set of friends that I do know read this blog.  So small that I can count them on one hand basically.  But I’m happy to be writing this anyway.

It’s official.  I got the official IDA word that I have completed the program and I can start looking for a car.  So, that means I can start looking for my Hyundai Elantra or Sonata that’s some where between $4,000 to $6,000.  But anything over $4,000 I have to try and get a loan for.  Here is what I have to do.  I have two months to look for this car, I have to get insurance, come from a dealership, and if I get a loan, the loan rate has to be less than 11%.  Plus, have to get the car inspected before I get the $2,000 from Brighton Center.  I’m very excited and can’t wait until I find the car I want.  Bring on the cars!

This Thursday, 3/10/2011, I’m going to be heading to my mom’s place to setup up her home network and new computer.  I will be taking off of work on Friday, 3/11/2011 and Monday, 3/14/2011 to have the time to do it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because as part of our agreement, I get her old computer that I’m replacing with the new computer.  So, I will be adding one more computer to my already large collection of computers I got here at the house.  Yippee!!!!

Speaking of computer, I recently started working on one of my computers idea for one of computers I have here.  As some of you seen from my tweet, I have introduced “Aural Euphoria” to my long list of computers I have.  “Aural Euphoria” is all about multimedia.  She is going to be my music computer where I download music and etc.  She is also going be the computer where I create my videos and podcasts.  Basically, if it’s multimedia, “Aural Euphoria” is going to be the girl handling it.  As of right now, she barely has a leg to stand on to be honest.  I have to do a lot of upgrading to “Aural Euphoria” to get her to a place where I can do all the things I want to do.  So, it will take some time but “Aural Euphoria” will get there.

Also, lately been doing a lot of thinking about life again.  I tend to do this a lot.  I don’t think people or friends really understand how much AmeriCorps have really changed my life.  If I could I would do AmeriCorps for the rest of my life but I can’t.  The max I could would be four years.  But if things go the way it does, I might not be able to do all four years as government is looking to cut it’s budget and AmeriCorps is on the chopping blocks.  Which got me thinking life lately.  Should I start ramping up my job searching machine and start looking?  Am I ready to get back into the workforce?  Is two years of AmeriCorps enough for updating my work experience I currently have?  These are the type of questions I ask myself over and over.  What do you think?  Should I start looking and applying for other jobs?  But it doesn’t stop there for me though.  Also, been thinking that I can do more.  What exactly I’m not sure?  But just have this feeling that I can do a lot more than what I’m doing.  Ever had those feelings?

Well, so much for being short and quick huh?  I guess I better head to bed.  Had serious allergies/sinus problems lately that I' seem to shake away from.  So, I need to get as much sleep as possible to feel refreshed in the morning.  Night and talk to you all later.

TL

Why O Why…

Basically the title of this post says it all.  Can this day get any worse for me?  Maybe I shouldn’t even got out of bed?  I’m very frustrated and pissed off that it’s not funny.  The more I think about it the more upset I get.  Let me tell you…1) In the last few weeks unexpected bills have been coming in.  These bills are putting a wrench in my “getting a car” plan.  Where I should be using money to pay off old debts off my credit report to complete my IDA obligations, I’m paying off these unexpected bills.  Which leads to another unexpected bill today…2)  When to get my taxes done and basically I owe $571 in state taxes.  Yes, you heard me right.  An AmeriCorps Volunteer owes money.  Great!  Basically any money I get from my federal, which is only $184 and from Ohio state taxes, $93, won’t even cover it.  So, I’m going to be forking out another $350 or so dollars.  3)  Now, Kentucky freaking loses.  Apparently they don’t want to play on the road.  So, what else can go wrong?  Can’t wait until this day is over with.

But the good news is though I might have a plan for me to still get a car on time according to my time table.  But I won’t know until Monday when I go into work and talk to a few IDA people to see if it’s possible that I can use what I pay off to the IRS as part of my IDA obligation for paying 30% of my debt.  If I can then I’ll be alright.  If not, I’m going to be a few months behind.  I was pretty sure I’ll have a car by the end of February but now I’m not sure.  We shall see.

TL

Year 2011: Preview…

So, what does the year 2011 have installed for me?  As I’m sitting here in somewhat of pain from my tooth ache, the first thing I have coming up is pulling of a wisdom and one other tooth on January 21.  You know I’m looking forward for that.  NOT!!!!!!!!  Here are some things that should be coming up this year.  Of course not in any particular order.

1)  Car – last year I saved up my $2000 and this year Brighton Center should be release their part of the deal to me soon.  So, I’m kind of looking for me getting a car around the end of February or beginning of March.

2)  Possibly moving – Even though it’s not far but I’m looking to move into a two bedroom apartment here where I’m already staying.  If I can talk the landlord into the right lease and deal.  I’ll basically be moving next door where my neighbor/good friend moved out.  I’m going to talk to the landlord this week coming up.

3)  Vacation – for the first time in years, I’m looking to take a vacation.  Right now it’s scheduled for May 16 thru May 20, 2011.  In this week, sits my birthday.  Usually I just take my birthday day off but decided to do the whole week because I get a paid vacation from work.  Where I’m going is still up in the air.  Not quite sure yet or I might just stay home?

4)  AmeriCorps – My service year ends in September.  I do want to do another year of AmeriCorps but it has to be like a promotion for me.  So, if I don’t get hired somewhere, I’m planning on doing another year of AmeriCorps. I’m allowed up to four years of service.

5)  My Health – This is always on my agenda every year.  I need to start regulating my diabetes and monitoring my health better this year.  I really can’t afford these medical bills.  So, need to find a way to make myself more healthier.

6)  Visiting my mom – My mom wants me to come down soon to help her setup and transfer files from her old computer to her new computer.  That will probably be my first long trip shortly after getting the car.

7)  Computers – Maybe during this year, I can get some of my other computers back up and running.  So that I can either sell them or put them to use like I planned on using them in the first place.  Plus, I would like to create my own computer case from the plexi-glass that I’ve been saving for years.  Basically I have ideas with each of these computers I got.  For example, I want one computer to hold nothing but my music, movies, and videos files.  Another computer I want to turn into a server so that I can learn how to run a server.  I really have somewhat gotten away from this field.  I need to get back into technology.  It’s what my Master degree is in.

8)  Photography – I want to get back into photography.  This is something I have kind of gotten away from over the last few years.  But every time I hold a camera in my hand, I feel the happiness and my senses coming back to me.  So, one of my computers will be a photography editing computer.  But first I will need to save up for a Cannon Digital SLR during this year.

9)  2nd Job – Since I’m able to get a 2nd job this year, I might just do this to help with paying some of my bills, to save for that digital camera, and help fix my computers.  There is one particular job I wouldn’t mind working and that’s at a movie theatre.  So, I might apply for part time at one near by?

10)  Blog more – Something I want to do more of is blog.  I have a unique life that I can share my experiences with people.  Only if they come and leave comments and etc.  I know I might not be the best writer in the world but I have all kinds of information that it’s not funny and I want to share it.

So, if anybody wants to help me achieve any of my goals, please feel free to contact me.  I’m not always looking for money.  I’m also looking for a mentor in photography, computers, and in life.  I always wanted a mentor but never really got one.  I’m always needing guidance in something.  I’m a great person to be around and etc.

TL

2010: A Year In Review…

This was my first full year of being re-housed since I’ve been homeless.  Even though I was re-housed the last month of 2009, I was able to stay in the same place all year in 2010.  It started out rough for me as I had to get used to the idea that I had a place over my head.  But it didn’t take long before other feelings started to come back to me.  For example, the feeling of loneliness of when I came home from work every day.  But that was remedy later on in the year as I got a roommate.  Even though it’s different, have a friend to talk to is always a plus.  More about him later on in this post.  Year 2010 saw me grow as a person.  I think many of my friends would agree with me.  Even some of them think that being homeless was probably the best thing that happen to me.  Even though I understand where they are coming from, I would have to disagree.  Because I wouldn’t wish being homeless on anybody.  Being homeless is a totally different ball game.  But for me it did something though.  It kicked my determination into high gear.  Want to get motivated, become homeless?  So, what did the year 2010 have for me?  Well, let me tell you.

First, it was AmeriCorps.  Being an AmeriCorps member has did a lot.  I met more people that either are or were in a similar position like I was.  These are people that really are their selves.  No playing game or anything.  The sit down with you and they listen.  They don’t act to be your friends, they are your friends.

Just AmeriCorps alone has done more for me in 2010 than I probably could for myself.  Besides friends, I started job training.  The more I work as an AmeriCorps member, the more on the job training experience I get.  It has helped me update my resume for my job career.  Until September 15, 2010, I was a VISTA member and then switched over to LISC AmeriCorps for this last three months of 2010 where I am currently.   The switch from VISTA to LISC is actually a promotion.  It was more money but more responsibility came with the job.  Also, I’m impacting family lives in my current position.  But don’t get me wrong, as VISTA I was still impacting family lives but only behind the scenes.  For example, it was all about making a method of a program that’s already in place and make it better.  So another words, make it run smoother.  Which I did.  One of the projects took off big times and that was my housing packet.  This packet went out to over 4500 people within the community.  Now, as a LISC worker, I’m impacting family’s lives as I’m working directly with them.  I’m able to give people what they need.  It’s been amazing so for.  I can only imagine what 2011 will hold for me in this area.

Brighton Center is an amazing place.  To have this opportunity to work for them has been humbling for me.  They have helped me in many ways.  For example, they helped me pay off some of my bills so that I had no barrier to worry about when it comes to getting this place I’m currently living out.  They helped pay off my last landlord when I was unable too.  They also paid off Duke Energy bill that I had from my last place.  Plus a few other things.  But I think the biggest thing they helped me with that is immeasurable is the ability to get me to save money.  In 2010, I started my IDA account for a car.  I was able to save up $2000 in which they will match me $2000 to use to get a great car which will come in 2011.  So, budgeting was an important for me in 2010.  They actually got me to budget which I tried many times before.  But still have some problems and a long ways to go before I can say I’m successful at it.  But it’s a start.  Having great co-workers is a plus too.  It’s amazing what one can learn from co-workers at the work place.  I’m grateful for Brighton Center and hopefully I will be hired on as an employee there.

Besides for my work life, other part of my life was enhanced in some way.  My personal life has seen me go out more with friends and do more things that I normally don’t know.  Like going to events that are here in the Northern Kentucky area like wine tastings, motorcycle rally, and do more volunteering.  I was able to visit my mom for the first time in a few years.  I also adopted a family for Christmas as I bought presents for a single mom and her two kids.

Even though it seems that 2010 was all good, it wasn’t.  There were times that I had to deal with something or help a friend or two with a problem.  2010 has seen two of my friends going through a divorce.  Going thru a divorce can and is a tough thing to do.  But having a friend that is always there for them can help cushion the blow some.  One of them is my roommate right now.  He knows he has a roof over his head and a friend to talk to anytime he wants to talk.  The other friend has just started the process the last few months of the year but he will know what to do but until then, he knows he has a friend in me.  Another thing that hasn’t went good for me is my health.  My diabetes are still high but that will change soon though.

You see year 2010 wasn’t the worse or the best but it’s by far since my homelessness the best year I have had and it can only get better for me.  What does 2011 have install for me?  Got to come back when I do my “2011 Preview” post in the next few days.

TL

My word of the day...Vulnerable.

As many of my twitter followers know, I'm currently down in Jacksonville, FL for the LISC AmeriCorps National Orientation Training. This conference is from October 23 to October 28. I'm currently on Day 3 of the training and today was a big day personally from my standpoint. If one word comes to mind today it is "vulnerable". As part of my reasoning to do AmeriCorps is to grow as a person. That means at times, I'm going to have to open myself and be "vulnerable". Guess what? That day was today.

You see today was a session that I was dreading the most which so happens to be my last session of the day. These last day or so, we all heard how we had to dance in this session. This session was all about team building. You all might be thinking "big deal TL". But to me it was a big deal. It's usually something I want to avoid doing in public is dancing. The faciliator did say "if you don't want to do it that you didn't have too." Usually that is where I excuse myself. But I wasn't going to let me. My whole AmeriCorps experience is about "My Personal Journey" and "my growth" into this new TL. So, I reached down deep inside me and told myself that I was going to do this excercise. That mean's I was going to do the "Cupid Shuffle" with my group and I wasn't going to worry about what others think. There is a video of it but as soon as I get my hand on it I'll post it. But doing this session took me out of my comfort zone and in process made me vulnerable as I opened up. People got to see the real me and that is what "My Personal Journey" is all about. Opening myself up and letting others see and at the same time grow.

All my life, I have been staying in my comfort zone. It's time for me to start breaking out of it and start growing. My goal when I'm done with AmeriCorps is to be this new person that both old and new friends won't recognized. I want my old friends to say "I can't believe the change in me" and my new friends to say "they can't believe I was who I was back then". But most importantly, I want to feel better about myself and feel proud of myself. People, I'm going to change and re-invent myself. Either you can come for the ride or you can stay behind. This is going to be the new me. Come with me on "My Personal Journey".

TL

It Is Finally Official…

When I started my AmeriCorps VISTA last year, one of the things that I started was the IDA account.  It stands for Individual Development Account, where basically you save a target amount of money ($2000) and once saved, it will be matched 100%.  Yes, you heard me right.  It’s matched 100%.  But it can only go toward whatever your saving up.  In my case, it is for a car.  So, for the whole year I have been saving my money.  My goal was toward the end of my AmeriCorps VISTA that I would have my money saved.  Guess what?  It’s official…I have reached that goal.  Basically starting next year off right basically, I’ll be buying myself a car with the $4000 that I’m going to be getting.  I barely got on the waiting list as the fourth and only person for the list.  I’m so thrilled and excited because basically this is a huge accomplishment for me.  It is my first time that I actually was able to save toward a goal without taking the money out of the saving account for something else.  Of course, having the rule that if you do take any money out, you will lose any match that you earned.  Now you see what I’m happy?

In other things, my new position has the CFS Housing Support Specialist is off to a great start.  Finally was able to nail down my goals, output, and outcomes for this position.  I’m looking forward working with low income families and/or individuals over this upcoming year.  Next Friday, October 1st, is my first monthly training at the LISC office in Cincinnati.  Excited to see the other workers again at the other places.  Also, my flight is booked for my National training in Jacksonville, FL.  I’m getting an all expense paid trip to there.  If last year’s training was any indicator, than I’m in for a hell of a time this year.  Can’t wait.

My diet is still going strong.  Found out that my food stamps really only cover enough for one week.  So, I have been going off script a little and prepared meals that I normally had on week 1 again on week 2.  But I’m still going at it.  In October I’m going to be working out at a gym.  That is a goal of mine and phase 3 of my master plan.

Well, I guess I’m done for now.  Been coming down with either a cold or I have been having a lot of sinus problems.  Either way, I’m heading to bed.

TL

Exciting Week for me…

Hello everybody!  Long time since my last post.  *lol*  Anyway, today has been a very important first day in what should be an exciting week for me.  All along I have been mentioning that I’ll be making a lot of changes in my life.  This week continues those changes.  I’m excited for this!  As you will see below:

Sunday – September 12, 2010 - Today, was the day I started my diet like I planned too.  Already after one day, I’m seeing results in regards to my blood sugars.  When I woke up this morning, I tested my blood sugar and it was 210.  Since I started back checking my blood, it’s very rare that I got below 200 for my blood sugar.  So, I started my diet this morning as I woke up at 7:00 am and started my day out correctly with breakfast.  Under my new diet, I’m eating three main meals and three snacks in between.  Also, trying to stay within 1300 to 1500 calories per day.  When I went to take my blood sugar before I ate lunch, it was down to 176.  Then before supper it was 157.  It will be interesting to see what it will be in the morning.  Plus, I got a lot of things accomplished around the apartment that I needed to have done that I have been putting off.

Wednesday – September 15, 2010 – This is when I’m officially ending my service year as an AmeriCorps VISTA.  It’s been a great last year for me.  To go from being homeless to where I’m out now, is just amazing and a blessing.  Even though this is two days short of my full year but it is only because I’m starting my new position the following day.

Thursday – September 16, 2010 – This is the start of my new position as a LISC AmeriCorps CFS Housing Support Specialist.  I will be starting my training this day.  I’m so excited looking forward for this day.  It’s another chapter in my ever so changing life.  This will bring me new experiences and challenges for the upcoming year.  Also, this should be the day that I’ll get my big paycheck that will include my end of the year cash stipend on it.  Then I’ll put around $1,000 in my IDA account for my car to reach my target.  Then I should know where I stand on the waiting list to receive the match from Brighton Center.  If I’m one of four on the waiting list then in January 2011, I’ll be buying a car.  That would be a huge get for me.  With this new position, it allows me to take on another major bill which will be car insurance.

But it will mean much more than me just getting a car though.  It will actually be the first time that I actually was able to save money.  Usually in the past, I’ll try to save but only to end up using it for something else.  So, hitting this goal is very meaningful for me.

So, the above things is why I’m so exciting for this week.

TL

The Next Step…

Today was not only a great day for me but also a very big step in my life goals.  I learned that I got this other AmeriCorps position that I was hoping for.  So, in the scheme called my life, how does this fit in?  See from day one of working at Brighton Center in September 2009, I had a plan to re-work my life.  One thing I knew was that I didn’t want to be homeless again.  I decided that I was going to take control of my life, of course, with Gods help.  Re-working my life would take a lot of effort but one area that I knew I wanted to make a change in was my work life.  Here I am, a 36 year old single guy with a Master of Science in Technology degree and didn’t have anything to show for it.  I took inventory of my work life and came up with a plan.  To start recover from homelessness is actually where you are starting your life all over again.  Of course, you don’t have to go through all the different life stages.

Working as an AmeriCorps VISTA allowed me the necessary time and patience to implement things.  Working as a VISTA allowed me to at least gain both volunteer status and full time experience.  Up until that point, I didn’t have either.  Yes, I volunteered at school and etc but that isn’t the same.  Not only that, working as a VISTA allowed me at the end of my service year to open another area in the job market.  I will get non-compete status in the government job field.  Meaning that the government job market will be open to me.  Also, after working my year as a VISTA, I was able to start updating my experience.  Up until now, my experience was majorly out of date.  So, just for this one year, I was able to gain volunteer experience, full time experience, open up the government job market area to me, gain non compete status, and start updating my experience.  Not to mention using my passion to not only overcome my homelessness but help fight homelessness as well.  Where can I go from here?

Working as as AmeriCorps VISTA allowed me to build capacity within Brighton Center.  So, I couldn’t do that much direct service like working with individuals and families.  VISTA was about me providing a better system for another person to help that individual or family.  Now, I’m going to actually be that person that helps individuals and families as I will be able to do direct service now as I’m just going to be an AmeriCorps.  In the next couple of days, I’ll be doing a blog post talking more about what I’ll be doing.  But off hand I can tell you that gaining this opportunity is huge because it continues my step in my work life in the right direction.  Not only is this job more money, it’s also more responsibility.  Which means more experience for me.  Experience I’ll be gaining is case management.  Not only do I gain that but I’ll also receive entry level experience as this position will be considered.

But it’s not all fun and dandy though.  Between now and September 20, when I officially start this other AmeriCorps position, I’ll have a lot to do from finishing up my current service year as a VISTA to doing orientation on Monday and Tuesday of next week for the new AmeriCorps position.  Also have to check out things regarding my food stamps and how this position will affect that.  I don’t think it will but just want to be on the safe side.

Now, for this real reason, why today was a huge day for me.  I can start researching about buying a car.  This means a lot for me.  With this job, I know now which way to go with my $1200 end of the year cash stipend that I’ll be getting.  Majority of it will be going into my IDA account where I have nearly $1000 saved up.  When I hit $2000 saved, Brighton Center will match me 100 percent.  So, I’ll have $4000 to either buy a car outright or put down a payment on a new or used car.  This job will allow me to take on another major bill which will be a car insurance.  So, probably around the new year, I’ll be driving again.  Plus, it will allow me a few little bills as well.  So, in the meantime, I’m going to go and relax and be happy.

TL

The Hardest Thing in Life…

This had to be one of the hardest thing for a family is watching a love one going off to war?  I can’t honestly say what it would feel like or even be like for a family.  But in the end though the reward is really bigger than life alone.  If it wasn’t for the soldiers protecting the country where would we be right now?  So, God Bless the soldiers that help fight for America’s freedom.  This video below is a great reminder that even though it’s hard to watch a love one go away to war but it’s sweeter to see them come home to love ones.  I know I’m blessed when I’m able to walk around or travel around this country.  Again, thank you all the people that serve and keep us safe. Enjoy the video below.

Soldiers Coming Home Compilation - Watch more Funny Videos

TL

The Week in Review…

This last week have been one of those weeks.  On Monday, Chris and I went to Lexington, KY to watch UK basketball take on Miami of Ohio.  Even though the game should had been a blow out, it wasn’t.  Walls hit a last second shot to win it for UK.  But overall it was great to be at Rupp Arena.  We had a great time at the time and etc.  This week was a great for UK.  UK Basketball won three games this week and UK football won at Georgia!  So, congratulations!

Still waiting to hear about my HEARTH case.  I know that on Wednesday, my case manager was supposed to meet up with the apartment people to inspect the apartment but due to the electric being turned off they had to reschedule the inspection until Monday, November 23rd.  So, hopefully I will hear something shortly.  I’m eager to move into my own place soon.  Hopefully this week will provide something for me.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I’m going to be spending it with Cathy’s sister’s place.  Hopefully it will be better.  I usually get depressed at holidays because I’m always not with my family.  I’m always with other people’s families.  Anyway, talk to you all soon again.

TL

If I was a weather person…

The best way I can explain this last week was if I was like a weather man.  Maybe that is what I should had dressed up as for Halloween?  If I was a weather man, I would probably call this week like this.  High possibility of bad news with a sprinkle of good news over the week.  The bad news mostly came in form of this new program I’m helping out with called HEARTH.  Several people we are submitting for this program is being denied.  Therefore, it took a lot of me because some of these people really needed the help that this program would had provided.  But this is the same program I have applied for as well.  Even though the good news is that I was approved for the program, they decided that it would be a conflict of interest for the Brighton Center to be my case manager.  Therefore, moved me over to United Ministries.  What does this mean?  A lot because Brighton Center was going to work several things out for me.  Now, I’m going to have somebody at the Brighton Center to call United Ministries and talk to them so I can get the necessary help that I needed and that they were going to give me.

Now that I have been approved for that, the next good news come on Friday as well, when I was told by the apartment people that I put in my application in with last week, told me that if I do get the type of assistance from the HEARTH that I would be able to rent the 1 bedroom apartment.  Otherwise, I won’t be able too because they are concern with how much I’m bringing in money wise.  So, this week I’m going to have a few people call United Ministries to talk to them.

Also, I got some very good news.  I was offered some tickets to a Kentucky Basketball game this year.  A friend and I are going to be going the November 16, 2009 game against Miami University in Lexington.  I’m so pumped.  This will be his first time at Rupp and my second time to see a game.  But I love UK basketball.  I’m so excited to see this year’s team and to top it off, it will be Walls first game back.  So, I’m stoked!!!!!

TL

One of My Best Week…

It’s going to be hard for me to explain my feelings on how this week was for me.  This week was very huge for me both from work and personal life perspective.  It’s been now one month since I started working at the Brighton Center as an AmeriCorps VISTA Volunteer.  According to our manual this is supposed to be about the time that we are supposedly start second guessing our self about joining AmeriCorps and possibly be over our heads at the job.  Well, I’m totally the opposite as I look back.  I can’t even be more happier about my decision to join AmeriCorps and do what I’m doing now.  As I’m typing this blog up, I really think doing this was one of my better decisions I ever made.  Just got to keep up the great work I’m doing.  But since I made the decision to become an AmeriCorps VISTA Volunteer, nothing but good things have been happening to me.  And I don’t mean good things but good things as in getting back on my feet.

This week alone, several things are happening in my life.  On Monday, I was able to get my IDA Orientation done one on one with the person in charge of the IDA program.  Then on Tuesday, I opened up my IDA Savings Account with the Bank of Kentucky with $100.  I have decided that each time that my paycheck gets direct deposited into my checking account which I opened last week that I’m going to put $100 into my IDA account.  So, that means that every month I’m going to be saving $200.  The minimum that I can put into the IDA account is $25.  Once I saved $2000, the Brighton Center will match that same about meaning I will be getting $4000.  I had a choice on how I was going to spend that money but I decided to use that money to buy a car.  But first I have to save $2000 before that happens.  I decided to go with $100 a month because I can but I will probably have to adjust that when I find an apartment.  But I will probably know more or at least become clearer after next week when the HEARTH Program starts which I’m hoping that I will be eligible for.  But for now I will continue to put in $100 per direct deposit that I get.

On Thursday, I went to my last of two finance class that I have to attend which now means that the counselor that taught the class can pull my credit report and I can start repairing my credit.  Not only is the credit repairing is critical but I will start learning on how to create a budget and keep to it.  Which is another huge reason why I went with AmeriCorps.  I knew once I was with Brighton Center that I could take advantage of these programs that were offered to become a better me and start the process of getting back on my feet.  So, I’m thrilled on how things are going for me in the financial department.  Just have to keep the momentum going that I have created.

Other things also happened to me this last week.  Some of my old bills got paid by the Butler Foundation.  I’m very grateful of the people from the Butler Foundation that took care of those three bills.  The three bills were my old Duke Energy from my last place was paid off.  My damage bill from my last place was paid off as well.  Then my past cell phone bill was paid off as well.  As many of you all know, I didn’t have cell phone service for about the last month.  But on Wednesday, my cell service was paid which meant I was able to get my cell service back.  Also, on Friday, I received the other two cell phones from my friend Michael.  So, now I have four phones and lines which I’m only using one of them.

Now, all the above mentioned things was just about my personal life.  Let’s talk about my work.  I couldn’t be more happier about work than I am right now.  The things I’m doing is what I really want to be doing.  I just can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out but at least I have figured it out.  Now I know where I want to go in my life.  Over this next year, I’m going to be doing some more personal growing as I try to get as much training as possible for what I want to do.  One of my goal is to start a non-profit organization to help fight poverty.  This goal is probably why I’m always so happy when I get to work and get ready to work.  I just love what I’m doing and can’t wait to see the end product.

Then as I was coming home today from work, I was wondering how could things get any better for me as things were this week?  Well, can you all believe that I forgot what happens tonight?  I actually did!  Tonight was the first official start of the NCAA College Basketball teams can practice.  Which of course means just one thing?  BIG BLUE MADNESS!!!!!!  Do I need to say any more?  I was actually able to watch it on the internet.  I’m so excited for UK this year.  But not because we got rid of Gillispe but because that excitement is back and I can’t wait to watch that excitement!  GO CATS!!!!!  So, what a perfect way to end a great week by watching my all-time favorite sports team, THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS!!!!  Or should I say the 2010 National Champions Kentucky Wildcats?  Actually, I’m thrilled and can’t wait for the season.  I want to see how Calipari will blend this team together with 6 newcomers and 7 returnees?  I want to see a “team”.  Calipari is right that it’s “one heartbeat…if this team can become one heartbeat, they will be unbreakable and unbeatable.”  Can’t wait until the exhibition games to really see this team in action before I will make a prediction on this season and some of the players.  But couldn’t think of any better way to end this great week than to watch the BIG BLUE MADNESS!!!!

TL

Week 2 came and went…

Week 2 was here and now it’s gone.  Where do the days go when you are having so much fun working?  I’ll be honest, in the last year and half the days went by so slow that I would actually forget what day it was.  Now, the days are flying by again.  But you know what?  I love it!  Getting back to work is huge for me.  It makes me feel like I’m a part of something again.  This last week’s highlight.

Mainly this last week, I had several appointment with different program coordinators that run different programs for Brighton Center.  All the appointments were very useful to me as I came away from them with better understanding of the programs and with tons of valuable information that is vital for my success in the job I’ll be doing over the next year.  Out of the 17 program coordinators that I have to meet with, I have already met with 6 of them.

Also, during the week, the new project that I was asked to take over re-launched with a new face lift as I reformatted the apartment listing that is used for our customers that are looking for apartments and houses to rent.  I was also able to target a certain website that could benefit this project big times.  I have that meeting this week coming with the owner of the website.

On Wednesday, I had a luncheon to attend and my vegetable salad was a big hit.  I was hoping to have some left over so I could eat it for lunch during the week but it wasn’t meant to be as it was all ate up. 

On Friday, I had the New Hire Orientation that I had to attend.  It was 4 hours of information about the history of the Brighton Center, the different programs within the program, and some great Papa John’s pizza!  It was at this orientation that I was able to find some key piece of information that I will need to make my year long service a success.  I was able to find a way to gather landlord’s name and address without having to send out letters and etc.  Now, I just provided more work for myself.  Which I love to see happen to me!  The more work I do, the more successful I’ll be in life and at my job!

Outside of work, I did a few things but not much really.  It’s very tough to be able to do anything when you have a 2 hour trip to get home.  So, 4 hours total a day on the bus really doesn’t help your life outside of work.  But on Friday, I was to catch up with my friend Chris.  We went to get Chinese food and then went to see GI Joe.  What a great action movie it was.  Can’t wait to see what they will do with the second movie!  Other than that, I really didn’t do anything outside of work during the week.  I love having the weekend off!

So, what’s going on this upcoming work week #3?  Well, I still have program coordinator’s appointment during the week.  I have a meeting with a website owner on Monday.  Along with meeting with my supervisor.  Another meeting about customer service task that might be required of the Vistas.  Will know more about this on Monday.  I have to update the apartment listing on Wednesday.  Also, have to figure out the best method of reviewing information out of files to be put into a database regarding landlords.  Plus, I have to setup a few appointments as well, review a lot of information, and whatever else comes about during the week.

Outside of the work week, there are some major things going on.  I’m going to be starting to work on my personal life starting with budgeting.  This week on Thursday, I have a budgeting class that I’ll be attending.  These classes are required for me to attend if I’m planning on participating in the IDA program.  Also, will be finally getting a checking account back after not having one for the last 6 to 7 months.  Just waiting on my 1st paycheck this upcoming week to come in.  Then I also will be viewing an apartment this week as well.   So, as you can tell things are starting to look back up for me and I can’t be more happier!

TL