Why am I doing this…

Have been asking myself lately on why I’m doing this blog?  Apparently nobody is interested in me.  That’s evident by the number of people that visit my blog.  Not to mention that nobody leaves meaningful comments.  It’s rough when I’m not getting much attention in my life but even rougher when I’m not getting any attention at all online.  What do I have to do?  People this is me…I’m a shy kid that want friends but it’s hard for me to make them.  My comfort zone is my place where I live.  My only real joy in life is when I’m at work, I’m cooking, or hanging with the very few friends I do have.  Here is a novel idea for you all?  Maybe you should approach me first rather than waiting for me to approach you?  I feel more comfortable when I know it’s ok for me to approach somebody or if they approach me.  When I’m home, it’s very rarely do I turn on lights, or open my blinds.  Invite me out with you all and you might just see a whole different me.  Anyway, just thought I get that off my chest.

So, what’s new with me?  Well, later this month, I’ll be going to a conference in West Virginia on Volunteerism.  Something I’m looking forward for.  It’s from July 20-22nd and I’ll be going with a fellow VISTA/friend, Tori.  I’m excited.  It’s like a mini paid vacation.  Yippee!!!!!  Speaking of work, I know I’m definitely coming back to the Brighton Center for another year.  If it stands as is right now, I’ll be coming back as the Housing Support VISTA again.  But I’m hoping that I’ll be getting somewhat “promoted” I guess you can say?  There is a new AmeriCorps position coming open that I’ll be applying for that I would love to get.  It is more of a direct service in which I want to do.  Should know something in August about that position.  So, keep fingers cross.

In other good news, in less than 4 hours, I’ll be able to cancel two of my cell phone lines.  For the last year or so, I’ve had 4 cell phone lines and only using one of my phones.  So, I’ll be very happy when I can cancel two of them finally.  Been waiting for this to happen in a very long time.  Yeah!!!!!!

TL

The Hardest Thing in Life…

This had to be one of the hardest thing for a family is watching a love one going off to war?  I can’t honestly say what it would feel like or even be like for a family.  But in the end though the reward is really bigger than life alone.  If it wasn’t for the soldiers protecting the country where would we be right now?  So, God Bless the soldiers that help fight for America’s freedom.  This video below is a great reminder that even though it’s hard to watch a love one go away to war but it’s sweeter to see them come home to love ones.  I know I’m blessed when I’m able to walk around or travel around this country.  Again, thank you all the people that serve and keep us safe. Enjoy the video below.

Soldiers Coming Home Compilation - Watch more Funny Videos

TL

Coincidence…

We all heard about the passing of the late John Wooden right?  For the ones that don’t know who he is, he was the UCLA basketball coach from 1949 to 1975.  Over the span of that time, he won 10 NCAA titles with UCLA and a record of seven straight titles including an 88 game winning streak.  Which hasn’t been broken just yet but will probably be broken next basketball season by the Connecticut Huskies Women’s basketball time who are a few games away.  Anyway, John Wooden became basically the everything coach here at Dayton High School in Dayton, Kentucky in 1932.  He was not only a coach but also taught English at the high school as well.  Why am I bringing this up?

How many of you all can actually say that they have walked the halls and live in the same building (possibly, sill doing research) that the Legend himself has walked, taught, and coached in?  I might not have known him personally but its still a big WOW for me.  That’s right people, I possibly could be living in the same Dayton High School, turned apartments, that John Wooden got his first coaching job in his career.  I do know that the auditorium is still here which back in the days could be its gym?  I’m not sure because it’s locked.  Coincidence?  I’m not telling.  But still a WOW!!!!

In other news, I have taken this weekend to re-work some things in my life.  I have decided that I’m going to get back to where I was before I left to come back up to the Northern Kentucky area after my recovery from my cellulites infection.  I’m going to start tackling my eating habit again and get it back to where I was at that time where I ended up losing over 80 lbs doing my time recovering.  So, I’m going to start eating healthier and more smarter.  I’m going to get back on my plan that the doctor gave me back then to follow.  I’m going to be strict on myself again like I was then.  I made out my grocery list, got myself re-introduced to the different carbs choices that I have and will be trying new things along the way.  I need to watch the portion size of what I’m eating and the type of foods I’m eating as well.  I have to eat a balance meal to manage my diabetes.  Also, included in this is do a better job at exercising.  I can’t rely on a magic pill to take care of this for me.  I’m going to have to make this happen for myself and that’s what I’m going to do.  I can’t use the excuse that I was homeless anymore because I’m not anymore.  So, I need to stop making excuse for myself and start doing it.

My job at Brighton Center is going great.  I only have little less than four months left of my service as AmeriCorps VISTA.  Now, I have made the decision that I’ll be doing another year service as a VISTA if I’m asked to by the Brighton Center.  So, keep your fingers crossed that they will ask me.  I’m going to be going to a conference in West Virginia in July.  I’m very excited about this because I’m going with another VISTA person that I have became very good friends with.  Hopefully we stay friends after she moves on from her service.  So, if anybody is looking for a great marketing advertiser or agent, I have a great person for your company.  Hit me up.

Also, got a little bad news last week but its just put a little delay on my plans.  You see, when I started my AmeriCorps VISTA, I got involved in a program called Individual Development Account (IDA).  This program allows you to save money for a big purchase like to purchase a car, a house, or do major renovation to your house.  This account sets a limit that you must save, in my case it’s $2,000, and then once you meet the limit, they will match you 100 percent.  So, for example, once I hit $2,000 which is going to be at the end of my service, it will turn into $4,000.  I decided I will buy a car.  Only a few cons though?  One, you can’t touch that money.  If you do, you have to start over again.  Two, it’s first come first serve.  This is where the bad news comes in kind of.  I was told last week that the money they have set aside for this year has ran out.  Which means, if I do manage to get $2,000, I won’t be paid until they get more money in which is January 1, 2011.  But once I do hit my limit, I’ll go on a waiting list and I must continue to put money into my account.  So, you see it’s more of a delay.  I’m still getting the money but just a little later than I expected.  But as I’m looking at this situation, it’s probably a good thing?  You see, working as an AmeriCorps VISTA only allows me to have one major bill and several small ones.  Right now, my major bill is my rent, with my cell phone bill and electric being my small bills.  I barely have just enough to live in which is less than $50 a month after I pay everything off.  So, I really can’t afford another major bill right now.  So, even if I did receive my $2,000 after reaching my limit, I’ll wouldn’t been able to buy a car right away and the money would continue to be in my account for a while anyway.  So, it’s like a blessing in disguise?

This Monday, June 7, 2010, I’m going to a Cincinnati Reds game at the new Great American Ball Park.  Been a while since I was last there but not for a game.  I was actually working a game though as a photographer but wasn’t able to enjoy the game though.  I’m going with two other co-workers/friends and we are looking for one more person to go since one of our co-worker that was originally going decided not to go.  So, I’m hoping my friend Chris will go with us.  But we shall see?  We are going to a local restaurant called Mokka for dinner before the game.  I’m excited to hang out with some friends after work.  I have been doing that a lot lately these last few months.  It has gave me the confident to do things.  This is what I always wanted to do.

Plus, this week, my friend that takes me home and I are going to stop to attempt to help this homeless lady that we have notice hanging out at the end of one of the ramps here in town on a certain day.  So, we are going to stop and see what we can do to help her and her family if she has any.  She is always out there on a certain day only.  We are going to see if there are anything we can do?  I’m excited to be doing this.  This is what I want to do.  I will definitely give you all an update later this week to let you all know what happened.

Well, I guess I wrote enough for now.  Until later this week, talk to you all later!

TL

My Birthday…

As all of you all know, today was my birthday.  I must be honest though.  This birthday was by far probably one of my best I ever had.  What made it the best?  It’s the company of friends, families, and co-workers that I hung out with that made it one of the best birthdays.  Especially, since my last three birthdays have been pretty, well, down.  You see, three years ago, my birthday of 2007 I basically forgot about my own birthday until a friend call me the day after to wish me a happy birthday and I told him that my birthday hasn’t occurred.  That’s when he told me it was the following day.  2007 was the year I had the longest interview ever for the interim manager position that I was already doing.  It was this job that lead me to being in the hospital for a week.  So, 2008’s birthday was me recuperating from being in the hospital with Cellulites Infection.  Then in 2009, I was homeless living out of a semi truck traveling the US with a trucker friend of mine.  Those were my last three birthdays.  So, I was determine to make this a great birthday for 2010.  I must say I pulled it off.

You see, I had a co-worker that owed me a lunch and she asked me back in March when I wanted to go out to lunch?  She told me to pick a time, date, and place.  So, I decided that I pick my birthday, May 18th as the date for her to pay me back and the place was Dewey’s.  Then since then, my office mate that I share an office with started asking a few other co-workers and so did I.  So, I had like 7 to 10 people that were wanting to go to my birthday lunch.  A few people dropped out, there were 6 people that went and the whole time we just laughed, talked, and laughed a lot more.  It was something I really needed.  It allowed me to forget about my previous birthdays.  It’s the small things that makes me happy.  Things like hanging out with friends, families, and co-workers, being taken out for lunches and dinners, and just plain having fun.  It’s not about gifts for me than hanging with people and sharing a few laughs.

But I must tell you a few gifts I did get.  You see, I might be 36 years old but I act like a 13 year old at heart.  I’m amused easily.  I just like to laugh and smile.  That’s what these gifts did.  But I don’t know how much my co-workers know how happy I am of my gifts or what they have gotten their self into.  My first gift (in a way) was a blue boo baa.  Ever heard of a Boo Baa?  This is what a boo baa looks like. People think it looks like me?  Let’s compare?  Here is a picture of me.  What do you think?  Any resemblance?  The funny thing about this boo baa is when you squeeze its hand, it dances and some other actions that is just hilarious.  Everybody that comes into our office laughs their asses off but then say how much it looks like me.

The office that I share with another VISTA is being called the “Answer Centre”.  We have all the answers to any questions.  We don’t care what the question is.  It can be about life, about work, about relationships, or whatever you want to know we will have the answer.  So, we have a new weapon now that we can use to finalize our answers.  Meet the Whomp It.  This is a very bad gift for me to have.  I mean this in a good way.  I’m the type of person that will carry this around the office and just hit things with it.  *lol*  It might actually get me in trouble?

It’s hard to believe that these two things bring happiness and joy to me.  People might not want to believe it or can’t believe I would actually play with stuff like this but I can’t help it when I’m a kid at heart.

So, things like this is why I was so happy today and thrilled to have friends, families, and co-workers that’s willing to put up with me.  It was a relief to have a great birthday unlike my last three birthdays.  So, I’m actually starting to get unstressed and relaxing now from my situation.  Well, back to doing laundry.  Enjoy and until next time.  Have fun!

TL

My Emotions…

Ever since my attempted suicide, I have been kind of emotional when it comes to things.  But I always played it off as my attempted suicide that I was emotional.  But it’s not totally true.  There is a second cause now at that is my diabetes.  Back on April 17, 2008, I was admitted into the hospital for Cellulites Infection.  It was during this stay that I was also diagnosed with diabetes.  Ever since then I have been very emotional.  For example, the day I got out of the hospital, I had to go back to my place and watch total strangers come in and basically take my stuff for practically nothing.  My mom and sister in law would be asking me if I need this or that and if I didn’t need it it would be thrown away.  It was just way to much for me and I literally broke down crying.  Here is a 34 year old guy crying to a point that I had to excuse myself to gather myself.  The emotions that was running through me was way to much for me.  This wasn’t the last time either that I broke down crying like this.

Over the coming months, my situation continue to worse after I finally was healed.  I basically lost my job, I did lose my apartment and had now where to live.  My life was spiraling downward and I seemed to been unable to stop it.  I was able to stay with my best friend Chris and his family for a few months before I started living out of my car in October of 2008 until March 2009.  Then I ended up having to give up my car but thankful that my trucker friend, Michael asked me to come on the road with him in the truck.  I did this for a few months before Michael ended up getting a new job and that caused me to be unable to ride along with him.  He was able to talk his dad, Doug, in allowing me stay with him for about a month or two before I wore out my welcome I guess you can say?  But then I was able to stay with Richard and Cathy in July, which was only supposed to be a month but was there until December 2009.  But it was here that I was able to start getting back on my feet slowly.  Just having a roof over my head is a big relief that I don’t think to many people understand that much.  After having this basic need met, I was able to focus on finding that job.  It took a while but in August I was able to nail down one of six positions that the Brighton Center had for AmeriCorps VISTA thanks to Denise.  But of course couldn’t start until the middle of September.

I tell you this to show you that over the last two years I cried a lot but was determined to get myself back.  As you can tell also I have a lot of people to thank for their help and support over the last two years.  There is my mom and Ed for helping me recover from my Cellulites Infection and changing my wounds, Chris and his family for allowing me to stay with them, Michael and his dad for letting me stay with them, and Richard and Cathy doing the same staying with them.  There was also Brett and my sister in law that helped clean out my old apartment.  There is a lot of other people that helped me that I’m very grateful for.

So, when April 17, 2010 came along, what did I do?  You got it, just thinking about this brought back memories that made me cry like a baby.  As I looked back over this two year of me being homeless and no job, it was hard for me.  My emotions were up and down like a yo-yo.  So, between April 17, 2010 and my birthday May 18, 2010 is going to be very emotional for me.  This is my first birthday with a roof and a place to call my own since my homelessness.  In 2008, I was recovering from my wounds and in 2009, I was in a semi truck in some state that I don’t remember.  This birthday coming up, I’m going to have a job, some real plans for a birthday, and a place to celebrate my birthday.  I’m sure before my birthday I will cry one more time or so.  Heck, over this weekend I cried as memories came flooding back to me as I rode the bus for the first time to Ft Thomas to help out with a food drive.  I used to take this bus all the time there before I got a car.

I know what you are thinking?  TL, crying is for sissies?  I’m here to tell you it’s not.  Every night there is an homeless person or families that is crying them self to sleep.  Crying is like a cleanser of the soul?  It helps them get rid of the bad and let’s them know that they are still human.  As I slowly continue to get back on my feet, there will be many more times that I’ll be crying.  But for me, it’s after a memory that I relived.  If you are lucky to see me cry in front of you, that tear or tears you see rolling down my face is pain that that memory caused being taken away.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Bret, Christine, Danny, Ed, my mom, Chris and family, Michael, Doug, Richard and Cathy, Denise, my co workers, and whoever I forgot.  Again thank you!

TL

My Determination…

There I was in my weekly therapy session in December of 2008 talking to my therapist.  After explaining all my problems I had from the time I was little till then, which included me just starting to live out of my car for two months.  She asked a question that till this day I have been unable to answer.  That question she asked me was “where is my determination to go on coming from?”  She said that most people she seen in my situation isn’t as determine to get them self out of these situation time after time.  She stated that my moral and my determination is keeping me from giving up.  So, she asked again where all this determination coming from?  My answer to her was very simple.  I said "I don’t know”, which is the truth.  But since that session and the previous sessions till today, I couldn’t tell you.  But last night as I was sitting here watching TV and playing on the computer, something hit me.  Maybe my determination comes from my attempted suicide back in 1990?

I’m not going to lie, I really didn’t have the best high school years.  Since then, nothing much in a way of me has change.  I still have low self-esteem problems, still sit around on Friday’s and Saturday’s dateless.  After work or school over the years, would just come home and eat while watching TV and then go to bed to do the same thing over and over.  I just been going through the motion in life.  For me meeting friends isn’t really not that hard of a job.  It’s finding the significant other that has been tough.  But that’s for another story at another time.  So last night as I was watching TV, a thought came to my mind that might be an answer to the question that my therapist asked me about my determination.

You see, after my attempted suicide, I made a pact with myself that no matter how low I am in life, that suicide will never be an option or answer to my solution.  When I saw how many people I hurt back then with my suicide attempt, I made this pact.  I rather suffer myself than see people around me suffer like back then.  Is it this pact that is making me determined that every time I’m faced with a problem that this determination comes out to help me beat the problem?  All I know is when my back is up against the wall is when I’m more focused and do some of my best work.  I’m determined to beat whatever is put in front of me to make myself better.

And there is one promise that I will make to everyone and anybody that no matter how depressed I sound on twitter, this blog, text, facebook, and etc that suicide is not an option in my book.  That you can take to the bank.

TL

A Very Good Day…

As some of you all might recognized by my twitter messages that I was doing this morning that I was in a very good mood today.  I must say, it was the first time in a long time I was in this good of a mood.  It seems like whatever funk I have been in for the last month or so just lifted off of me.  I was actually basically dancing down the street on my way to the bus stop.  Then on the bus I was bobbing my head sideways like in the movie Night at the Roxbury were doing in the car but of course I didn’t bust out the windows like they did in the car.  Thank God!  It lasted all day long too.  Are things looking up for me?  It might be to early to tell but who knows?  At the end of the day at work, I turned to the person I’m sharing an office with and asked her “how did my desk get so messy?”.  She just looked at me and laughed, then said “welcome back, TL”.

I noticed it’s been a while since I last did a blog?  WOW…Maybe I was really out of it after all.  Could it be the UK news from yesterday’s recruiting haul finally turned me back into my real self?  Was it the lost to WVU that put me in this funk?  It was about the time I wrote that last post that I started being in this fun?  But enough, let’s enjoy me while I’m here.

Work is going very good.  I have made up my mind and have a game plan in place for when my year service on VISTA is over.  I’m actually hoping that I’m hired on at Brighton Center full time but if that doesn’t pan out right now and the Brighton Center will want me to return as a VISTA that I’ll be happy to do another year as a VISTA.  I really love what I’m doing here at the Brighton Center.  I can see myself actually doing what I’m doing for years on years.

Well, looks like this is all that my brain has for now.  Talk to you all later!

TL

UK lost could be UK gain…

Let me say this.  I’m disappointed in the UK lost but couldn’t be any more prouder of the team though.  Apparently it was WVU’s birthday as they seem they couldn’t miss from the 3 point line in the 1st half.  How can a team go 0 for 16 from 2 point range and 8 for 15 from 3 point range and still win the game?  Just pure luck that’s all!  Of course doesn’t help when UK couldn’t hit anything though from 3 point line.  But thank you for the great run this year.  But will say this, I know Calipari said he prefer talent over experience anytime?  I honestly prefer a combination of talent and experience anytime over just talent or experience.  The NCAA tournament is a different beast than the regular season and conference tournaments.  It’s experience that UK needed tonight against WVU that we didn’t get.  It would be experience that would know when to shoot those 3’s or get it into the big fellows.  We never know now!

Now is the hardest part for UK fans.  The wait and see what happens next.  I truly hate the one and done players.  Yes, they have the talent and etc but for basketball it’s not fair to force them to go to college if they want to play for money.  It has changed the game of basketball big times.  But this year could be a different year when a lot of one and done players actually will stay.  Because there is talk that after next year’s NBA season, there will be a lock out of players.  Which they are predicting will take out the whole season of the NBA.  So, why would a player go into the NBA for a year and then there will be a strike after the end of the year?  Why not continue to hone your skills at the college level and enjoy playing till the strike is over at the college level?

Also, this lost by UK in this game could really be a good thing for UK.  It will leave a bad taste in the players mouth knowing that this was their season to win the title but to go out like they did.  So, they might want to come back for another season to prove that and erase that taste from their mouth with a national title?  So, here is my opinion on what will happen over the next few months.  People think that Wall is gone?  I’m not quite sure he is.  I think Wall is really torn between his decision and I think he will come back for one more season.  If Wall comes back for one more season, I think you will see a domino effect happen where Cousins come back for sure.  I honestly think Cousin is definitely coming back.  As for Patterson, he has the hardest decision to make.  He can’t test the waters like the others can because he did that last year.  So, once he declares than he is lost for sure.  I think Patterson should come back for sure and not even worry about the NBA.  The only person I really don’t see coming back is Bledsoe.  I think he is either going to transfer or go to the NBA.  If Wall goes, we will have Brandon Knight in the lineup which it will mean that Bledsoe will be second again.  Therefore, Bledsoe will leave once Knight commits to UK.

Even though this will be the toughest part of the off season in waiting to see what happens to current players and to see who UK’s incoming recruits will be.  It will also be the most exciting.  I think if CJ Leslie commits to UK that we can use him to recruit Wall back to UK.  With the following potential class of Kanter, Poole, Knight, Leslie, & possibly one more recruit, along with the returnees of Cousin, Patterson, Orton, Wall, Miller, Dodson, Liggins, and Miller, UK will be loaded again for another run!

SO, LET’S THE FUN BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TL

A quick update on me…

I’ll be honest, my last few weeks haven’t been all that good for me but to go into details would be a grave mistake for me as it seems when I take about my mistakes people think I’m whining or don’t want to hear about my problems.  But that’s just me.  If you ask “How I’m doing?”, I’m not going to lie and say I’m doing fine when in reality I’m not.  Just because you see me smile, making jokes, and/or laughing doesn’t mean I’m a happy person.  In reality I’m as messed up inside.  These last few weeks my mind hasn’t been shutting off at night when I go to bed.  I just been thinking about stuff way to much.  For example, I’m going to be 36 in May and as I look back on my life, I really don’t have anything to show for it family wise.  I have no kids, no girlfriend or wife, or anything.  Been doing a lot of thinking about adopting but know that is a very long ways off.  Maybe not even feasible with the way my life is right now.  I’m reaching an age where women aren’t looking to start a family.  I want to have a family to give my lovely girlfriend or wife the love they so dutifully deserve.  Every day going to work is a welcome break as it actually occupies my mind but when I’m off work, I cringe and don’t look forward coming home.  I know when I enter my place its where everything starts going downhill for me.  I have nobody to come home to to talk too or no kids running up saying “daddy’s home" and then giving me a hug.  This is a huge thing for me.  I know what you all thinking?  You just need to get out there and talk to the women.  Well, I do and when I’m about to ask for their number or something, something happens.  For example, the other day, I was talking to this girl on the bus and I was about to ask her for her number when some jackass comes up and ask for her number.  Did that piss me off?  But that’s how things for me when it comes to women have been.  I’m just tired of being alone.  Someday I hope I can write about my wife or girlfriend and my kids.  But for the time being, I’m going to be walking alone in single land.

In other news, UK basketball is doing good in the tournament.  With Kansas losing, UK is now the favorite to win it all but UK have a big game Thursday night with Cornell.  All week we have heard about the matchup and the different angles that the media has came up with.  This is going to be a tough game for UK as it will practically be a home game for Cornell.  With Syracuse being just 45 minutes away from Cornell, I’ll be expecting a lot of red and other fans who love to root for the underdog.  If UK gets pass Cornell, they will play the winner of Washington and West Virginia on Saturday for the right into the Final Four.

Also, ended up buying an IPOD Nano finally.  The music has been helping me drown out the thoughts that have been going on and keeping me awake.  As I’m typing now, I’m listening to my Nano.  Plus, I bought an USB wireless adapter for my computer in hopes of being able to piggy back off a neighbor’s signal to get faster internet speed.  Even though I was able too it seems they know somebody has connected to their router as I get kicked off each time I log on.  What’s wrong with people now a days?  Nobody wants to share!  *lol*

I also decided what I’m going to be doing after my VISTA assignment is finished.  My ultimate goal is to get on at the Brighton Center full-time.  It’s a company that I can see myself working for that can best use the skill sets that I have.  If I don’t get on full-time, then I’m going to do VISTA for another year.  This is huge for me to set this kind of goal for myself.

TL

Not a creative title (can’t think of anything)…

Work at the Brighton Center has been amazing.  I love going to meetings and meeting other people from other agencies that are doing the same job as I’m doing.  I love my “face time” that I get.  I share my office with another AmeriCorps VISTA and I must say it’s fun working in there with her.  It’s amazing how much work we actually do get done with all the laughing and talking we do.  We call our little office the “Party in the Penthouse”.  *lol*

UK won today over Alabama.  But they need to play a whole lot better if they plan on winning everything.  But I still need think that UK needs to lose one more game before the NCAA tourney starts next week.  I think this lose will help get our guys more focus for this run.  Just like ‘96, when UK lost in the SEC Championship game to Mississippi State.  If they didn’t lose that game, I honestly don’t think we would had won the Championship.  Even Pitino made that assumption.  GO UK!  BEAT VOLS!!!!!

This blog isn’t really getting much interaction.  It’s like talking to myself.  I already do this at my place.  Now it’s happening on the internet.  What’s next?  Anyway, I’m outta here!

TL