My word of the day...Vulnerable.

As many of my twitter followers know, I'm currently down in Jacksonville, FL for the LISC AmeriCorps National Orientation Training. This conference is from October 23 to October 28. I'm currently on Day 3 of the training and today was a big day personally from my standpoint. If one word comes to mind today it is "vulnerable". As part of my reasoning to do AmeriCorps is to grow as a person. That means at times, I'm going to have to open myself and be "vulnerable". Guess what? That day was today.

You see today was a session that I was dreading the most which so happens to be my last session of the day. These last day or so, we all heard how we had to dance in this session. This session was all about team building. You all might be thinking "big deal TL". But to me it was a big deal. It's usually something I want to avoid doing in public is dancing. The faciliator did say "if you don't want to do it that you didn't have too." Usually that is where I excuse myself. But I wasn't going to let me. My whole AmeriCorps experience is about "My Personal Journey" and "my growth" into this new TL. So, I reached down deep inside me and told myself that I was going to do this excercise. That mean's I was going to do the "Cupid Shuffle" with my group and I wasn't going to worry about what others think. There is a video of it but as soon as I get my hand on it I'll post it. But doing this session took me out of my comfort zone and in process made me vulnerable as I opened up. People got to see the real me and that is what "My Personal Journey" is all about. Opening myself up and letting others see and at the same time grow.

All my life, I have been staying in my comfort zone. It's time for me to start breaking out of it and start growing. My goal when I'm done with AmeriCorps is to be this new person that both old and new friends won't recognized. I want my old friends to say "I can't believe the change in me" and my new friends to say "they can't believe I was who I was back then". But most importantly, I want to feel better about myself and feel proud of myself. People, I'm going to change and re-invent myself. Either you can come for the ride or you can stay behind. This is going to be the new me. Come with me on "My Personal Journey".

TL

It Is Finally Official…

When I started my AmeriCorps VISTA last year, one of the things that I started was the IDA account.  It stands for Individual Development Account, where basically you save a target amount of money ($2000) and once saved, it will be matched 100%.  Yes, you heard me right.  It’s matched 100%.  But it can only go toward whatever your saving up.  In my case, it is for a car.  So, for the whole year I have been saving my money.  My goal was toward the end of my AmeriCorps VISTA that I would have my money saved.  Guess what?  It’s official…I have reached that goal.  Basically starting next year off right basically, I’ll be buying myself a car with the $4000 that I’m going to be getting.  I barely got on the waiting list as the fourth and only person for the list.  I’m so thrilled and excited because basically this is a huge accomplishment for me.  It is my first time that I actually was able to save toward a goal without taking the money out of the saving account for something else.  Of course, having the rule that if you do take any money out, you will lose any match that you earned.  Now you see what I’m happy?

In other things, my new position has the CFS Housing Support Specialist is off to a great start.  Finally was able to nail down my goals, output, and outcomes for this position.  I’m looking forward working with low income families and/or individuals over this upcoming year.  Next Friday, October 1st, is my first monthly training at the LISC office in Cincinnati.  Excited to see the other workers again at the other places.  Also, my flight is booked for my National training in Jacksonville, FL.  I’m getting an all expense paid trip to there.  If last year’s training was any indicator, than I’m in for a hell of a time this year.  Can’t wait.

My diet is still going strong.  Found out that my food stamps really only cover enough for one week.  So, I have been going off script a little and prepared meals that I normally had on week 1 again on week 2.  But I’m still going at it.  In October I’m going to be working out at a gym.  That is a goal of mine and phase 3 of my master plan.

Well, I guess I’m done for now.  Been coming down with either a cold or I have been having a lot of sinus problems.  Either way, I’m heading to bed.

TL

Exciting Week for me…

Hello everybody!  Long time since my last post.  *lol*  Anyway, today has been a very important first day in what should be an exciting week for me.  All along I have been mentioning that I’ll be making a lot of changes in my life.  This week continues those changes.  I’m excited for this!  As you will see below:

Sunday – September 12, 2010 - Today, was the day I started my diet like I planned too.  Already after one day, I’m seeing results in regards to my blood sugars.  When I woke up this morning, I tested my blood sugar and it was 210.  Since I started back checking my blood, it’s very rare that I got below 200 for my blood sugar.  So, I started my diet this morning as I woke up at 7:00 am and started my day out correctly with breakfast.  Under my new diet, I’m eating three main meals and three snacks in between.  Also, trying to stay within 1300 to 1500 calories per day.  When I went to take my blood sugar before I ate lunch, it was down to 176.  Then before supper it was 157.  It will be interesting to see what it will be in the morning.  Plus, I got a lot of things accomplished around the apartment that I needed to have done that I have been putting off.

Wednesday – September 15, 2010 – This is when I’m officially ending my service year as an AmeriCorps VISTA.  It’s been a great last year for me.  To go from being homeless to where I’m out now, is just amazing and a blessing.  Even though this is two days short of my full year but it is only because I’m starting my new position the following day.

Thursday – September 16, 2010 – This is the start of my new position as a LISC AmeriCorps CFS Housing Support Specialist.  I will be starting my training this day.  I’m so excited looking forward for this day.  It’s another chapter in my ever so changing life.  This will bring me new experiences and challenges for the upcoming year.  Also, this should be the day that I’ll get my big paycheck that will include my end of the year cash stipend on it.  Then I’ll put around $1,000 in my IDA account for my car to reach my target.  Then I should know where I stand on the waiting list to receive the match from Brighton Center.  If I’m one of four on the waiting list then in January 2011, I’ll be buying a car.  That would be a huge get for me.  With this new position, it allows me to take on another major bill which will be car insurance.

But it will mean much more than me just getting a car though.  It will actually be the first time that I actually was able to save money.  Usually in the past, I’ll try to save but only to end up using it for something else.  So, hitting this goal is very meaningful for me.

So, the above things is why I’m so exciting for this week.

TL

My New Job…

Yesterday, I told the world about me getting a new AmeriCorps job and how it is the next step in my work life.  This blog is going to be describing that new job and what I’ll be doing.  Starting September 20, 2010, I’ll be starting my new job as the Center for Financial Stability (CFS) Housing Support Specialist.  That’s a mouth full!  But before I start then, I have a two day training on Monday, August 30, and Tuesday, August 31 from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm.  Can’t wait for this training.  A blog about this training will be forthcoming next week.  But my hours are basically the same from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm.  But since I’ll be going in early, I’ll be starting at 8:00 am until 5:00 pm.  This is an AmeriCorps, which means I’ll be getting a stipend rather than a paycheck but it will be a bigger stipend than what I’m getting now.  It’s basically a $7,400 raise for the year.  Yeah, I know but still.  It’s more money than what I’m currently getting but this isn’t about money for me.  It’s about getting on my feet and staying out of homelessness.  That’s what this current job has given me.  This next job I’m doing gives me more experience to get my work life back on track.  I couldn’t be more happier than I am right now about this opportunity.  So, what will I’ll be doing?  Well, follow me as I tell you.

The position description is that the CFS program seeks to help low-income households achieve greater financial stability through an integrated system of workforce development services, work supports, and financial services.  So, another words, I’ll be responsible for connection families to appropriate housing services, seeking out community housing resources, and providing tenant education/counseling services.  Other responsibility includes:

• Assess individuals and family needs in order to determine appropriate type of housing services needed
• Assist customers in applying for appropriate housing services
• Make appropriate housing service referrals and follow up on referrals
• Connect families to community resources such as food, clothing, transportation, housing assistance, and utility assistance
• Jointly develop a housing plan of action with participant to address and meet his/her family’s needs
• Maintain case notes for each customer to reflect his or her plan of action is being followed according to program procedure and guidelines
• Administer monthly tenant education classes
• Provide support to Family Center Case Managers and Resource Advocates
• Work in collaboration with Financial Stability Navigation Specialist, Center for Employment Training staff and Financial Services staff to ensure effective integration of services and customer referrals
• In a regular and timely manner, enter services and data into CFS tracking systems and generate monthly reports
• Participate in trainings and meetings
• Other tasks as needed

I don’t think there is a single job that doesn’t have that last responsibility that is right above this sentence in their description?  The famous “Other tasks as needed”.  No more saying “that’s not in my job description”.  Guess what?  It is!  It just under “Other tasks as needed”.  Got to love that.  This job is going to be a challenge but I’m up for this challenge.  What I will like most about this job is working with the actual individuals and/or families.  So, I can’t wait until September 20 to start this job but there is also another date I can’t wait for either?  That’s October 23 – 28, 2010!  Anybody want to guess what that date will be?  I’ll give you a hint.  It’s going to be another blog post other than the blog post I said above.  To the person that guess, gets free dinner.  *lol*

So, I’m excited and cant wait!

TL

The Next Step…

Today was not only a great day for me but also a very big step in my life goals.  I learned that I got this other AmeriCorps position that I was hoping for.  So, in the scheme called my life, how does this fit in?  See from day one of working at Brighton Center in September 2009, I had a plan to re-work my life.  One thing I knew was that I didn’t want to be homeless again.  I decided that I was going to take control of my life, of course, with Gods help.  Re-working my life would take a lot of effort but one area that I knew I wanted to make a change in was my work life.  Here I am, a 36 year old single guy with a Master of Science in Technology degree and didn’t have anything to show for it.  I took inventory of my work life and came up with a plan.  To start recover from homelessness is actually where you are starting your life all over again.  Of course, you don’t have to go through all the different life stages.

Working as an AmeriCorps VISTA allowed me the necessary time and patience to implement things.  Working as a VISTA allowed me to at least gain both volunteer status and full time experience.  Up until that point, I didn’t have either.  Yes, I volunteered at school and etc but that isn’t the same.  Not only that, working as a VISTA allowed me at the end of my service year to open another area in the job market.  I will get non-compete status in the government job field.  Meaning that the government job market will be open to me.  Also, after working my year as a VISTA, I was able to start updating my experience.  Up until now, my experience was majorly out of date.  So, just for this one year, I was able to gain volunteer experience, full time experience, open up the government job market area to me, gain non compete status, and start updating my experience.  Not to mention using my passion to not only overcome my homelessness but help fight homelessness as well.  Where can I go from here?

Working as as AmeriCorps VISTA allowed me to build capacity within Brighton Center.  So, I couldn’t do that much direct service like working with individuals and families.  VISTA was about me providing a better system for another person to help that individual or family.  Now, I’m going to actually be that person that helps individuals and families as I will be able to do direct service now as I’m just going to be an AmeriCorps.  In the next couple of days, I’ll be doing a blog post talking more about what I’ll be doing.  But off hand I can tell you that gaining this opportunity is huge because it continues my step in my work life in the right direction.  Not only is this job more money, it’s also more responsibility.  Which means more experience for me.  Experience I’ll be gaining is case management.  Not only do I gain that but I’ll also receive entry level experience as this position will be considered.

But it’s not all fun and dandy though.  Between now and September 20, when I officially start this other AmeriCorps position, I’ll have a lot to do from finishing up my current service year as a VISTA to doing orientation on Monday and Tuesday of next week for the new AmeriCorps position.  Also have to check out things regarding my food stamps and how this position will affect that.  I don’t think it will but just want to be on the safe side.

Now, for this real reason, why today was a huge day for me.  I can start researching about buying a car.  This means a lot for me.  With this job, I know now which way to go with my $1200 end of the year cash stipend that I’ll be getting.  Majority of it will be going into my IDA account where I have nearly $1000 saved up.  When I hit $2000 saved, Brighton Center will match me 100 percent.  So, I’ll have $4000 to either buy a car outright or put down a payment on a new or used car.  This job will allow me to take on another major bill which will be a car insurance.  So, probably around the new year, I’ll be driving again.  Plus, it will allow me a few little bills as well.  So, in the meantime, I’m going to go and relax and be happy.

TL

Is AmeriCorps in your future…

As the title suggests, is AmeriCorps in your future?  This blog is going to be about my experience as an AmeriCorps and how it changed my life.  But not only that, it will give an overview of AmeriCorps.  The end results is hopefully after reading and looking into the different AmeriCorps program that you, yourself, will sign up to be an AmeriCorps and serve.  AmeriCorps can make a big difference in your life and could help you gain that valuable experience.

What Is AmeriCorps?

According to the AmeriCorps website, “AmeriCorps is an opportunity to make a big difference in your life and in the lives of those around you. It’s a chance to apply your skills and ideals toward helping others and meeting critical needs in the community.”  I must say that AmeriCorps has made a big difference in my life and this is my first year I volunteer.  Before I found this, I was homeless, living with friends and out of a car for a year and half.  It was during my homeless phase that a passion was lit under me.  I was determine more than ever to help fight poverty, homelessness, and many other problems facing America or in my area.  As an AmeriCorps member, I’m able to use my skills to “address critical needs in communities all across America” especially in any of the following areas:

• Tutor and mentor disadvantaged youth
• Fight illiteracy
• Improve health services
• Build affordable housing
• Teach computer skills
• Clean parks and streams
• Manage or operate after-school programs
• Help communities respond to disasters
• Build organizational capacity

With my Master of Science in Technology Degree which has an area of specialization in Technology Management and my Bachelor of Organizational Studies with an area of concentration in Information Systems, I knew that I would have no problems doing this volunteer job.  So, after many months of trying to look for a job, I was able to get my current AmeriCorps position “Housing Support VISTA Volunteer” in the area I lived in.

Besides AmeriCorps helping me, I’m helping people in my community to make a difference by what I have created for the community.  Each time an agency uses my tool, it’s making a connection to the families and/or individuals.  Over the last year, I have helped several homeless individuals and families start getting back on their feel either by working with them closely setting goals or by providing them with housing resource for the Northern Kentucky area.  The following are resources I have created and it is disburse to over 4,085 people per month:  (to read more about this project, read my post on Housing Resource Outreach Report)

• Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet – This packet gives individuals and/or families the resources it needs to help find affordable housing.
• Rental Resource Guide – This guide helps individuals and/or families find affordable apartment and housing the Northern Kentucky area.

Benefits of AmeriCorps

Thanks to AmeriCorps, I’m slowly recovering from homelessness.  Volunteering for AmeriCorps has allow me to get back on my feet.  As an AmeriCorps member you will get the following benefits:

• Modest Living Stipend – depending on the area you are serving in, you will get a paycheck every two weeks that will be enough to just pay for your basic expenses.
• Segal AmeriCorps Education Award - $4,725 to pay for college, graduate school, or to pay back qualified student loans.
• Professional Development – During the year, you will attend trainings, conferences, and gain valuable on the job full-time training
• Non-competitive clause – after your year, you will open up a whole new job market area in the government sector and gain a non-competitive clause.

AmeriCorps Programs

AmeriCorps is made up of three main programs: AmeriCorps State and National, AmeriCorps VISTA, and AmeriCorps NCCC (National Civilian Community Corps).  I’m currently an AmeriCorps VISTA.  To learn more about these programs, follow the program of interest below:

• Learn more about AmeriCorps State
• Learn more about AmeriCorps National
• Learn more about AmeriCorps VISTA
• Learn more about AmeriCorps NCCC

How Do I Join?

Did I convince you to join up and start Volunteering In Service To America (VISTA), for AmeriCorps State/National, or AmeriCorps NCCC?  To search for an AmeriCorps national service opportunity that fits your interests and desired location, click here.  Applications for any position can also be submitted online – all you have to do is create a user profile.

If you need additional assistance or have questions, please:

• AmeriCorps Fact Sheet (PDF) – great facts about AmeriCorps
• History of AmeriCorps – let’s you know the history about AmeriCorps
• Stories of Service – read stories about AmeriCorps members that served and how it changed their lives
• Frequently Asked Questions – still not convinced? 
• Call 1-800-942-2677 – call to ask specific questions you can’t find.
• E-mail questions@americorps.gov – or e-mail AmeriCorps your question.

There are thousands of opportunities to serve in AmeriCorps. Each one provides an incredible opportunity to make a difference in your life and in the lives of those around you.  So, what are you waiting for?  Tell them TL sent you!  Well, not really.  You can for the fun of it but they will just act like they don’t know me.  *lol*

TL

New to Homelessness??? (very long)…

As you leave your house for one last time in the morning, you know that at the end of the day, you won’t be back to this house to sleep.  What are you going to do?  Where you going to sleep?  Can you survive living on the streets, in a car, or on friend’s couches night to night?  Where am I going to eat?  How am I going to eat?  And the questions keep coming and coming.  Everything around you tends to go slow motion as you are only thinking about these questions as you are walking aimlessly around.  To an experience homeless person, they can spot you a mile away.  You have those “deer in headlights look” about yourself.  But you aren’t alone on the streets as the newest homeless person.  According to the National Alliance to End Homelessness:

• There are 671,859 people experiencing homelessness on any given night in the United States - roughly 22 of every 10,000 people are homeless.
• Of that number, 37 percent are people in families and 63 percent are individuals,
• 18 percent of the homeless population is considered "chronic," and
• 20 percent of the homeless population is made up of veterans.

Welcome to being part of the fast rising statistics in America called homelessness.  Even I, at one point, was part of this statistics.  From here on out, you need a whole new kind of thinking going on.  Remember, the longer you are homeless, the faster you will lose your moral and confident.  If you lose those two things, you will be homeless for the rest of your life.  So, what should you do?  This blog post will talk about things I did throughout my one and half years of homelessness that eventually lead me out of homelessness that I’m going to share with you.  Hopefully this will somewhat be a blueprint for you to start the process of digging out of homelessness.  Here we go.

VERY FIRST NIGHT:

This is a very important night.  You have to decide quickly as possible to find a place to sleep, have in mind a place you want to sleep out, or if you are going to sleep in your car.  I recommend calling a friend first to see if you can spend a night or two on their couch.  Be honest with them.  Let them know what’s going on.  You never know what they will offer.  I got lucky myself when I talked to my best friend.  They allowed me originally two weeks but at the end of the two weeks, I got a lucky surprise as they made a deal I couldn’t refuse basically and was able to stay with them for four months.

*** TIPS TO STAYING WITH FRIENDS ***

You might not have money to offer your friend for staying with them but you do have other stuff you can offer them.  This is where it’s important to do a self inventory of yourself.  Know what you have to offer and make it work for you.  Things to think about when asking a friend to stay with them:

• If you do have money, offer to pay them a small proportion
• If they have kids, babysit for them whenever they want to go out
• Be available to pick up the kids if need be (special arrangement though)
• Do housework
• Do dishes
• If you are an expert in a field and you know your friend wants to learn, be willing to tutor them
• Mow the grass if you have too
• Do errands for them
• Have food stamps?  Offer to buy food monthly or provide for your portion of the food

The whole idea is about making yourself worth more than money.  Doing little things around the friend’s house could be a huge weight of their shoulder.  But most important thing though is that you balance what you want to do to get out of homelessness with the services you provide to your friend.  Communication is very important with your friends especially if they are a family.  Always be mindful and respectful.

*** TIPS STAYING IN YOUR CAR ***

So, you struck out being able to stay with friends?  But you have your car.  You are going to have to sleep in your car.  Sleeping in your car isn’t as bad as sleeping on the streets itself.  It’s all about finding a safe, quiet, but yet somewhat public place to park the car so you can sleep at night.  I slept in my car for six months during the winter.  I was living out of my car from October to March.  Here is what I learned:

• Best parking lots to sleep in are the 24 hour parking lots like Wal-Mart, Kroger’s, & Meijer's
• Blend your car in with the employees cars that work the 3rd shift.  Not to close to them that it looks like you are stalking them but at the same time not to far away that you stick out like a sore thumb.
• Before you go to sleep, take a walk around in the store looking like you are shopping.
• Be friendly and say hi to the employees as you are walking through if you pass any
• Notice what the uniforms are or what the the smokers wear coat or sweater wise when they are smoking.  For example, Kroger’s hand out blue fleece or sweaters to employees.
• If you so happen to have a similar color sweater or jacket, put it on each night before you do your walk around.
• By doing the above, you are kind of setting a precedent.  These lots are monitored and patrolled by police.  But if police seeing you come out of the store with that jacket on, they will assume you work there and you are going to your car for a break.  I never got bothered by police or asked to move once.
• Eventually, one of the employees will start striking up conversation with you.  Be honest with them as well.  For example, where I stayed at night, I had a manager that was willing to back me up if a cop came to her asking about me.
• Eventually, I started “volunteering” in a way at Kroger’s by helping them stock or as we are talking to start helping them put stuff back on shelves.  But don’t do this right away.  The best time to start doing this is maybe after a few times that the person ask you to do them a favor.
• Park between two barriers if all possible.  This helps especially during the winter months to cut down the wind and chill factor.
• Have plenty of blankets, clothing, & warm stuff in the car
• Remember the 15 minutes rule:  Run your heat on full blast for 15 minutes, then turn it off and see how long you can keep warm until you can’t stand it any longer.  For me, basically it was every hour I had to do 15 minutes if I was awake.  When I went to sleep, it would be like 4 to 5 hours later that I would have to turn the hit on.
• Best night to sleep in your car is when it’s raining.  The rain hitting the roof makes this great soothing sound
• Move car often.  Makes you look like you are an employee.  If you sleep in the lot, then don’t go back to that lot until you are ready to go to sleep.
• Leave the car parked as much as possible.
• Plan your day to day.  Where do you have to go?  Better to stay in a certain area if you have to be back there the following day rather than going all the way back to where you sleep?

Living out of your car can be very simple and easy.  But don’t forget that a car takes gas.  It takes money to get gas.  If you don’t have a job, you have very little money.  So, you can’t waste gas.  One way I got money for gas was taking a person somewhere for reasonable gas money.  Pay very close attention how much gas you are using and how big your gas tank is.

*** TIPS FOR STAYING ON THE STREETS ***

You struck out staying with friends, and you don’t have a car.  The only other alternative is to stay on the streets.  This is the most dangerous of the situations maybe?  Your first night on the streets can be the scariest.   You have your safety to worry about, the weather, not to mention being waken up ever so often to be told to move.  You might not get any sleep at all.  I really don’t have much experience as I got very lucky during my one and half years of homelessness I didn’t have to sleep on the streets.  The closest I have came was actually three days.  So, these tips are what I have seen or heard from various people or might experience from the above two tips:

• Have very little with you (backpack, book bag size, & etc)
• Go to the library during the days
• 24/7 Laundry Mats that are open to take camp baths late at night
• Greyhound bus stations – they have lockers you can use to store stuff in.
• Search for place to stay where you think nobody knows about.  If you think you might have found a place, stake it out for a few days to see.
• Look into shelters (a whole different story apparently which I don’t have any experience on)

I really don’t know much about this but maybe somebody will write in the comment about their experience.  Bottom line is all about staying safe!

*** TIPS FOR GETTING FOOD ***

The most important thing about homelessness.  Where are you going to get your food daily?  Here are some tips:

• Agencies has food pantry which you possibly can get some food
• Various churches might offer free supper on different days.  In Covington alone, I was able to have dinner at five different churches every week.
• Never pass on a free meal.  If somebody offers to buy you a meal, you take it.
• Free sample trays:  on the weekends, all your major grocery stores have free sampling.  Go into each store and act like a grocery shopper and sample each free sample.  Look interested in them as well by asking questions about what you sampled.  Then most important, buy something very small priced.
• Go to soup kitchens
• Apply for food stamps.  Could be a great help in the long run.

As you can see, eating isn’t really a problem if you know where to go.

DAY TWO AND BEYOND:

To survive on the streets, you need to do your homework.  You need to stay ahead of the game.  You need to be aware what’s going on around you.  If you see something that isn’t right or something feels wrong, trust your instinct.  To read more about the things I’ll be mentioning below, please read my post on “Trying to understand homelessness”.

Set up safety measurements.  For example, you might not be able to stay with your friend but you can set up days when you two can talk so that somebody knows if you are ok or not.  That’s what I did with my best friend and my mom.  Each week, I placed a call to them.  It can be for a minute to stay you are alright or an e-mail to them.

Have plans. So, you found a perfect place to sleep or place to eat?  What happens if somebody else beats you to perfect place to sleep?  What now?  Do you have a backup plan?  Always have two or three or maybe four plans just in case something happens.  Have plans for everything.

Self Inventory. After find a reasonable place to stay and you are comfortable, start working on your self inventory.  Be honest with yourself.  What are your weakness and strengths?

Set Goals. How are you going to succeed in digging yourself out of homelessness?  Set goals and milestones.

In conclusion, things that is very important to remember is SAFETY!  You need to be safe!  Also remember that the longer you are homeless, the more you start losing your moral and confidence.  Another key thing is don’t be afraid to ask for help or accept help.  Follow some of these tips I have given you, and before you know it, you could be digging  yourself out of homelessness like I did.

TL

Trying to understand homelessness…

Can anybody tell me what it takes to understand homelessness?  People that I asked seems to have a grave misunderstanding homelessness.  Besides the obvious answers I hear, “a person without a place to call home night after night”, I also hear “how it’s the person’s decision making process that lands them homeless”.  So, I ask “is it the person’s fault that they are homeless”?  So, is it?  In some cases it might be but very rarely it isn’t.  Becoming homeless is really out of a person’s control.  But don’t get me wrong though.  I also believe that it takes two people to cause a problem and it takes two people to fix a problem.  For example, let’s take me. On April 17, 2008, I was admitted into the hospital with cellulites infection.  I was in the hospital for a week.  It was this event that let me down the path of homelessness.  But I can’t totally blame it on this event.  As I write this blog, what’s in white is my thoughts on my homelessness, and what you see in black, bold, and italicize is what I think it takes to understand homelessness.

For the previous year, I was working at a job as the interim manager where I was averaging 90 hours a week.  Yes, you read that right.  I made $32,000 for that year.  What did I have to show for it?  Just a bunch of possessions.  I didn’t save any money when I had very little bills.  All I did was spent money on stuff no matter what it was.  But it caught up with me.  Once I was put in the hospital, I lost my job, and didn’t have my own place anymore.  I stayed with my mom after I got out of the hospital for two months for my recovery.  Then went on to stay with a friend for three months, in my car for six months, in a semi truck for two and half months, with a friend for one and half months, and then lastly with another great set of friends for four months before I found a job and a place to live shortly follows.  So, yes, my decisions did cause me to become homeless but would it have if it wasn’t for me getting sick?  I’m sure I didn’t make the decision to get cellulites infection?  So, it took two events to put me in an awkward position that I never been in before.  Homeless!

As every other battle I have had previously, I knew I was in a fight with an opponent I never met before.  To understand what I was in, I had to do some research to get my mind wrapped around the situation that I was in.  After understand what I needed to know, I made a plan to not only beat being homeless but get my life back on track and make sure I stay on track.  The first thing I did was took a life inventory.  Life inventory is taking inventory about yourself.  I knew I had to be brutal honest with myself.  I was breaking myself down and building myself back up so I needed to understand myself.  I needed to be as brutal as possible but I also knew I had a chance to give myself a complete makeover if I was able to be the victor.  I wrote all my faults, strengths, weaknesses, problems, friends I could trust, and everything else that I thought was very important.  Like newly diagnosed being a diabetic and had depression since I was 16.  I wrote down everything I had in my arsenal to fight this opponent called homelessness.  One thing I wrote down for myself, is a reminder that this isn’t my first battle with a problem like this.  All my life I had to battle things to get where I was.  This battle just raised the bar higher.  If I could defeat the previous battles, I knew I could defeat this battle.  As a homeless service provider, I think it’s important to understand what the homeless individual or family you are dealing with has available.  It’s all by connecting with them and listening.  Don’t just tell them to get to the point on why they are there.  We already know why they are there.  They need help.  You can learn a lot about them by just listening to what they have to say or explain what is happening. 

Then I made a plan and set goals based on this life inventory.  I knew it was important to stay on top of this.  If I didn’t, then I knew I would lose this battle.  So, at any sign of my moral going down, I knew what I needed to do to give my moral a boost.  I treated me being homeless as a normal part of my life.  Another words, before I was homeless I had depression and other underline problems to deal with.  So, when depression came about I knew there were certain things that would help me get out of my depression phase or when my moral needed a boost, I knew what I needed to do. I ended up going out having fun and let myself stop thinking about that problem or life for a day or so.  When this started to happened to me when I was being homeless, I did what I could do to make myself happy and forget about being homeless and totally change what I was doing to totally something else that would make me happy or give me that boost of moral that I needed.  As a homeless service provider, you are there to help this person understand what they are doing and how you can help them.  Sit down and make a plan and set goals with them.  Then you can hold them to that plan and goals.  Give them that accountability that they need.  Make them feel like they are still part of society.  The longer they are homeless, the more moral they start losing.  So, it’s important that as a provider that you are there to connect them to the right resource.

When I was homeless, the most annoying thing for me was somebody telling me that I had to go here, then I go there, and those people tell me I had to go here, and I go to those people tell me I had to go back to the same place I started this jumping through the hoops begin with.  Nothing frustrated me more.  But I knew I couldn’t get mad or frustrated because that just made the situation worse.  Instead, I killed them with kindness.  That’s what I did.  It threw them for a loop and allowed me to control more of the situation and get down to the bottom of what I needed or was there to get assistance for.  At the end of the day, I knew what my next plan or goal was needed.  As a homeless service provider, you will need to remember one thing when dealing with homeless individuals and/or families and that is “your worse day, is their best day”.  So, you think your having a bad day and yet you have to see homeless people, don’t take your frustrations out on them.  They are there to get help not be belittled.  Then try like heck to give them the best resource based on their situation.  Let them know what they should bring with them when they go there and what the requirements are.  Be thorough.  The person who said “knowledge is power” is so correct.

In conclusion, as a homeless service provider, it’s important to understand the situation that a homeless individual and/or families are in that you are trying to help.  Try connecting with them on their level.  When I provided help to the homeless individuals and/or families, I waited until they told me that I didn’t understand what they are going through.  I knew once I heard that, I was in because then I could share my story with them.  By the time I’m done, I have connected with them.  Then I started working on providing the the best resource I could that tailored to their needs.  Giving them numbers, names of people, what they needed to bring with them, what the requirements are, and etc.  At the end of our meeting I make sure they have the most important resource - MY BUSINESS CARD!

This is just the start of understanding homelessness.  One thing I do hate though is how these agencies care more about quantity than quality.  If they start treating the problem one person at a time, we would be getting somewhere.  When you have to see a certain amount of people in a day, than you lose sight of what’s important – CARING!

TL

The Weeks in Review (July 19-30)…

The last two weeks have been very busy for me.  I had a conference in Charleston, West Virginia to attend for work.  The conference was called Faces of Leadership.  A very good conference I must say.  The conference was from July 20-22.  Even though this conference was mainly for West Virginians, it was still great to go too.  Tori, myself, our one other person from our organization were the only three out of state conference attendees.  Which we thought was funny.  Plus, it seemed like it rained every day we were up there.

On July 20, 2010, my office mate Tori and I drove to West Virginia in the morning.  We started at 7:00 am and after a few wrong turns and missed exits, we finally got there around at 11:30 am.  We registered and went to lunch.  Our first workshop was at 1:30 pm that day.  I took a workshop on “Organizing your workspace”.  I very much like the presenter in this workshop.  His name is Timothy Johnson.  He is the President/CEO of Leadership 101.  He is a must see person if you or your organization gets him or has a chance to go to where he is presenting.  This guy is just amazing.  A personal favor of mine.  The second workshop I attended was “Community Partnerships and Linkages”.  Both Tori and I signed up for this workshop.  The workshop was a little confusing because the presenter set up the workshop around the different regions of West Virginia and the organizations within the state.  They worked on problems involving what’s going on in there community.  So, Tori and I had to think of this workshop more as a conceptual and how those concepts would relate to what’s going on here in the Northern Kentucky area.  After these two workshops were over, we had dinner with the West Virginia’s VISTAS that were there at the conference.  Then after that we were finally able to check into our hotel rooms.  We got situated and then Tori and I went out to see the movie “Inception”.  Which is a very great movie.

On July 21, 2010, the second day of the conference.  I slept in on this morning as our workshops didn’t start until 1:30 pm.  I got up around 10 am and got ready.  Around 11 am, I walked over to the Civic Center and walked thru the exhibits that were setup and got several good informational stuff.  Then at 11:30 am, I went to lunch and listen to a great speech by Timothy Johnson.  He talked about it it means to “Lead” and be a “Leader”.  I think I would enjoy working for this guy.  He would be a great leader and be able to inspire me to be great under his supervision.  Then our workshop started at 1:30 pm.  On this day, I signed up for a two part workshop called “Financial Fortress”.  For this workshop it was about implementing a financial piece within your community.  This financial piece was modeled from the Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace.  What I love about this workshop was I’ll be getting the whole financial folder that is used to teach this piece.  One of the reason I decided to take this workshop.  After this workshop, Tori and I went to a local restaurant called “Fifth Quarters Steak House”.  It was a very great steak house.  Tori and I ended up staying there for like 4 hours as we ate dinner, drank a little at the bar, and was outside on the patio talking about different things enjoying the beautiful evening after it stopped raining.  Just chatting away and relaxing before heading back to the hotel for the night.

On July 22, the last day of the conference.  Things switched up a little.  The last two workshops were first thing in the morning basically.  At 9 am, the first workshop I had was “Technology used by West Virginia Youths” was mainly about an E-mentoring program being implemented in the school’s of West Virginia.  It gave various overview of the program and how it will help the state.  I think it’s something we here at Kentucky can used.  Which reminds me I have to e-mail the lady and talk to her because I have yet to hear from her.  The last workshop was “Social Media for Non-Profits”, which was ran by Emily Bennington.  She went over various social media that non-profits could use and ways to use them.  So, it was more of a refresher workshop for me in a way.  Then after this workshop was lunch at 12:30.  They had some kind of entertainment during lunch but Tori and I left right after we ate lunch.  We got back on the road at 1:45 pm and ended up back in Newport 5:30 pm.  We met Amy and her mom at Mokka’s for dinner right at 5:30 pm.

So, basically that was our whole conference and mainly our week at work.  Yes, we had to return back to work on Friday but this conference gave us the necessary rest and energy that we needed for the last month of our VISTA service year.  I have really enjoyed this year of my VISTA service.  Yes, I’m doing it again that is for sure for another year.  More on this later in the month.

As for this last week, July 26 through 30, it’s been hectic.  One of VISTA’s important job is outreach.  Outreach is very important when creating partnerships and working with other agencies.  This week was very busy as Tori and I attended several meetings for outreach.  Not to mention, I started a few new outreach projects with other departments within Brighton Center.  Also, re-packaging the packet that I created.  Plus, I had my first supervision meeting under my new supervisor.  Which I loved very much.  I like when a supervisor gives you ideas and bounce things off you.  So, the 1.5 hour long supervision was just perfect for me.  Then to end the week, I attended the company picnic.  The picnic was a nice distraction.  I played cornhole for three different teams and lost.  I held my own I thought.  But still lost.  But it was good to catch up with employees.  Which leads me to the weekend where it is nothing but rest and relaxation.  Gotta love my life!

TL

HOUSING RESOURCE OUTREACH REPORT

Ever wonder what I do as the Housing Support VISTA for Brighton Center?  Well, read the following report that I just wrote this week about one of my main projects.  What’s funny about this is that my total number individuals I’m supposed to reach for the whole year of my service is 500.  Read my report and see what my actual number is for one month.  Below is the whole report:

HOUSING RESOURCE OUTREACH REPORT

TL Jackson – Housing Support VISTA

7/16/2010

The Housing Support VISTA distributes the Northern Kentucky Informational Packet, which includes the Rental Resource Guide insert, to various in-house departments and partnering agencies throughout the Northern Kentucky community. The four channels through which the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and the Rental Resource Guide are distributed are as follows:

1) Primary Outreach Distribution List – Weekly updates of the Rental Resource Guide and periodic updates of the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet are distributed to 146 community partners. These community partnerships agencies are comprised of, (includes Safety Net members and other community agencies), Family Resource Youth Services Centers, Brighton Center Career Connections, and local libraries. The graph below depicts this breakdown:

The Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide are sent to 58 agency’s contacts (40%), 75 Family Resource Center’s contacts (52%), 11 Career Connection’s contacts (7%), and 1 local library’s contact (1%) on a weekly basis. On a monthly average, both the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide are distributed to a total of 584 individuals (146 community partner contacts x 4 weeks).

The Housing Support VISTA expects this monthly average to continue to grow as outreach continues with additional community agencies and the Family Resource Centers. Recent efforts in outreach to Northern Kentucky Area libraries, churches, apartment complexes, and the One Stop in Covington and Florence will continue to influence these numbers.

2) Community Partnerships Distribution List – Community partners receiving the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide updates distribute this information intra-agency and inter-agency, as well as, directly to individuals and families. Reported monthly averages from 34 community partner contacts out of 146 community partners reveal that Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide are provided to 2944 individuals within the community. In order to determine the full extent of the distribution through these community partners it will be necessary to receive weekly averages from the remaining 112 community partners.

3) Safety Net Alliance (SNA) Website & E-mail List – The Housing Support VISTA distributes the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide for posting on the SNA website at http://www.nkysafetynet.org. Website tracking logs reveal monthly average downloads of 57 times a month. In addition, SNA distributes the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide to their e-mail list of 100 SNA members which accounts for a total of 400 individuals. SNA website and e-mail list distributes to 457 individuals.

4) Brighton Center’s Family Center – Brighton Center Family Center’s staff distributes an average of about 93 Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide to individual and families per month. In addition, Family Center staff stock and distribute 12 Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide from the West End building. This accounts for a total of 100 individuals per month receiving the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide from the Brighton Center’s Family Center. The graph below shows the actual monthly count for the both lobbies since the Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide started being distributed.

In conclusion, 4085 individuals per month receive housing assistance resource information and services by the Housing Support VISTA in the form of Northern Kentucky Housing Informational Packet and weekly Rental Resource Guide. This number will continue to increase as outreach continues to agencies and Family Resource Centers, as well as new partnerships with community partners. Additionally, the Housing Support VISTA plans to identifying new outreach opportunities and improving the outreach system in preparation of the next Housing Support VISTA.

TL

Why am I doing this…

Have been asking myself lately on why I’m doing this blog?  Apparently nobody is interested in me.  That’s evident by the number of people that visit my blog.  Not to mention that nobody leaves meaningful comments.  It’s rough when I’m not getting much attention in my life but even rougher when I’m not getting any attention at all online.  What do I have to do?  People this is me…I’m a shy kid that want friends but it’s hard for me to make them.  My comfort zone is my place where I live.  My only real joy in life is when I’m at work, I’m cooking, or hanging with the very few friends I do have.  Here is a novel idea for you all?  Maybe you should approach me first rather than waiting for me to approach you?  I feel more comfortable when I know it’s ok for me to approach somebody or if they approach me.  When I’m home, it’s very rarely do I turn on lights, or open my blinds.  Invite me out with you all and you might just see a whole different me.  Anyway, just thought I get that off my chest.

So, what’s new with me?  Well, later this month, I’ll be going to a conference in West Virginia on Volunteerism.  Something I’m looking forward for.  It’s from July 20-22nd and I’ll be going with a fellow VISTA/friend, Tori.  I’m excited.  It’s like a mini paid vacation.  Yippee!!!!!  Speaking of work, I know I’m definitely coming back to the Brighton Center for another year.  If it stands as is right now, I’ll be coming back as the Housing Support VISTA again.  But I’m hoping that I’ll be getting somewhat “promoted” I guess you can say?  There is a new AmeriCorps position coming open that I’ll be applying for that I would love to get.  It is more of a direct service in which I want to do.  Should know something in August about that position.  So, keep fingers cross.

In other good news, in less than 4 hours, I’ll be able to cancel two of my cell phone lines.  For the last year or so, I’ve had 4 cell phone lines and only using one of my phones.  So, I’ll be very happy when I can cancel two of them finally.  Been waiting for this to happen in a very long time.  Yeah!!!!!!

TL

The Hardest Thing in Life…

This had to be one of the hardest thing for a family is watching a love one going off to war?  I can’t honestly say what it would feel like or even be like for a family.  But in the end though the reward is really bigger than life alone.  If it wasn’t for the soldiers protecting the country where would we be right now?  So, God Bless the soldiers that help fight for America’s freedom.  This video below is a great reminder that even though it’s hard to watch a love one go away to war but it’s sweeter to see them come home to love ones.  I know I’m blessed when I’m able to walk around or travel around this country.  Again, thank you all the people that serve and keep us safe. Enjoy the video below.

Soldiers Coming Home Compilation - Watch more Funny Videos

TL

Coincidence…

We all heard about the passing of the late John Wooden right?  For the ones that don’t know who he is, he was the UCLA basketball coach from 1949 to 1975.  Over the span of that time, he won 10 NCAA titles with UCLA and a record of seven straight titles including an 88 game winning streak.  Which hasn’t been broken just yet but will probably be broken next basketball season by the Connecticut Huskies Women’s basketball time who are a few games away.  Anyway, John Wooden became basically the everything coach here at Dayton High School in Dayton, Kentucky in 1932.  He was not only a coach but also taught English at the high school as well.  Why am I bringing this up?

How many of you all can actually say that they have walked the halls and live in the same building (possibly, sill doing research) that the Legend himself has walked, taught, and coached in?  I might not have known him personally but its still a big WOW for me.  That’s right people, I possibly could be living in the same Dayton High School, turned apartments, that John Wooden got his first coaching job in his career.  I do know that the auditorium is still here which back in the days could be its gym?  I’m not sure because it’s locked.  Coincidence?  I’m not telling.  But still a WOW!!!!

In other news, I have taken this weekend to re-work some things in my life.  I have decided that I’m going to get back to where I was before I left to come back up to the Northern Kentucky area after my recovery from my cellulites infection.  I’m going to start tackling my eating habit again and get it back to where I was at that time where I ended up losing over 80 lbs doing my time recovering.  So, I’m going to start eating healthier and more smarter.  I’m going to get back on my plan that the doctor gave me back then to follow.  I’m going to be strict on myself again like I was then.  I made out my grocery list, got myself re-introduced to the different carbs choices that I have and will be trying new things along the way.  I need to watch the portion size of what I’m eating and the type of foods I’m eating as well.  I have to eat a balance meal to manage my diabetes.  Also, included in this is do a better job at exercising.  I can’t rely on a magic pill to take care of this for me.  I’m going to have to make this happen for myself and that’s what I’m going to do.  I can’t use the excuse that I was homeless anymore because I’m not anymore.  So, I need to stop making excuse for myself and start doing it.

My job at Brighton Center is going great.  I only have little less than four months left of my service as AmeriCorps VISTA.  Now, I have made the decision that I’ll be doing another year service as a VISTA if I’m asked to by the Brighton Center.  So, keep your fingers crossed that they will ask me.  I’m going to be going to a conference in West Virginia in July.  I’m very excited about this because I’m going with another VISTA person that I have became very good friends with.  Hopefully we stay friends after she moves on from her service.  So, if anybody is looking for a great marketing advertiser or agent, I have a great person for your company.  Hit me up.

Also, got a little bad news last week but its just put a little delay on my plans.  You see, when I started my AmeriCorps VISTA, I got involved in a program called Individual Development Account (IDA).  This program allows you to save money for a big purchase like to purchase a car, a house, or do major renovation to your house.  This account sets a limit that you must save, in my case it’s $2,000, and then once you meet the limit, they will match you 100 percent.  So, for example, once I hit $2,000 which is going to be at the end of my service, it will turn into $4,000.  I decided I will buy a car.  Only a few cons though?  One, you can’t touch that money.  If you do, you have to start over again.  Two, it’s first come first serve.  This is where the bad news comes in kind of.  I was told last week that the money they have set aside for this year has ran out.  Which means, if I do manage to get $2,000, I won’t be paid until they get more money in which is January 1, 2011.  But once I do hit my limit, I’ll go on a waiting list and I must continue to put money into my account.  So, you see it’s more of a delay.  I’m still getting the money but just a little later than I expected.  But as I’m looking at this situation, it’s probably a good thing?  You see, working as an AmeriCorps VISTA only allows me to have one major bill and several small ones.  Right now, my major bill is my rent, with my cell phone bill and electric being my small bills.  I barely have just enough to live in which is less than $50 a month after I pay everything off.  So, I really can’t afford another major bill right now.  So, even if I did receive my $2,000 after reaching my limit, I’ll wouldn’t been able to buy a car right away and the money would continue to be in my account for a while anyway.  So, it’s like a blessing in disguise?

This Monday, June 7, 2010, I’m going to a Cincinnati Reds game at the new Great American Ball Park.  Been a while since I was last there but not for a game.  I was actually working a game though as a photographer but wasn’t able to enjoy the game though.  I’m going with two other co-workers/friends and we are looking for one more person to go since one of our co-worker that was originally going decided not to go.  So, I’m hoping my friend Chris will go with us.  But we shall see?  We are going to a local restaurant called Mokka for dinner before the game.  I’m excited to hang out with some friends after work.  I have been doing that a lot lately these last few months.  It has gave me the confident to do things.  This is what I always wanted to do.

Plus, this week, my friend that takes me home and I are going to stop to attempt to help this homeless lady that we have notice hanging out at the end of one of the ramps here in town on a certain day.  So, we are going to stop and see what we can do to help her and her family if she has any.  She is always out there on a certain day only.  We are going to see if there are anything we can do?  I’m excited to be doing this.  This is what I want to do.  I will definitely give you all an update later this week to let you all know what happened.

Well, I guess I wrote enough for now.  Until later this week, talk to you all later!

TL

My Birthday…

As all of you all know, today was my birthday.  I must be honest though.  This birthday was by far probably one of my best I ever had.  What made it the best?  It’s the company of friends, families, and co-workers that I hung out with that made it one of the best birthdays.  Especially, since my last three birthdays have been pretty, well, down.  You see, three years ago, my birthday of 2007 I basically forgot about my own birthday until a friend call me the day after to wish me a happy birthday and I told him that my birthday hasn’t occurred.  That’s when he told me it was the following day.  2007 was the year I had the longest interview ever for the interim manager position that I was already doing.  It was this job that lead me to being in the hospital for a week.  So, 2008’s birthday was me recuperating from being in the hospital with Cellulites Infection.  Then in 2009, I was homeless living out of a semi truck traveling the US with a trucker friend of mine.  Those were my last three birthdays.  So, I was determine to make this a great birthday for 2010.  I must say I pulled it off.

You see, I had a co-worker that owed me a lunch and she asked me back in March when I wanted to go out to lunch?  She told me to pick a time, date, and place.  So, I decided that I pick my birthday, May 18th as the date for her to pay me back and the place was Dewey’s.  Then since then, my office mate that I share an office with started asking a few other co-workers and so did I.  So, I had like 7 to 10 people that were wanting to go to my birthday lunch.  A few people dropped out, there were 6 people that went and the whole time we just laughed, talked, and laughed a lot more.  It was something I really needed.  It allowed me to forget about my previous birthdays.  It’s the small things that makes me happy.  Things like hanging out with friends, families, and co-workers, being taken out for lunches and dinners, and just plain having fun.  It’s not about gifts for me than hanging with people and sharing a few laughs.

But I must tell you a few gifts I did get.  You see, I might be 36 years old but I act like a 13 year old at heart.  I’m amused easily.  I just like to laugh and smile.  That’s what these gifts did.  But I don’t know how much my co-workers know how happy I am of my gifts or what they have gotten their self into.  My first gift (in a way) was a blue boo baa.  Ever heard of a Boo Baa?  This is what a boo baa looks like. People think it looks like me?  Let’s compare?  Here is a picture of me.  What do you think?  Any resemblance?  The funny thing about this boo baa is when you squeeze its hand, it dances and some other actions that is just hilarious.  Everybody that comes into our office laughs their asses off but then say how much it looks like me.

The office that I share with another VISTA is being called the “Answer Centre”.  We have all the answers to any questions.  We don’t care what the question is.  It can be about life, about work, about relationships, or whatever you want to know we will have the answer.  So, we have a new weapon now that we can use to finalize our answers.  Meet the Whomp It.  This is a very bad gift for me to have.  I mean this in a good way.  I’m the type of person that will carry this around the office and just hit things with it.  *lol*  It might actually get me in trouble?

It’s hard to believe that these two things bring happiness and joy to me.  People might not want to believe it or can’t believe I would actually play with stuff like this but I can’t help it when I’m a kid at heart.

So, things like this is why I was so happy today and thrilled to have friends, families, and co-workers that’s willing to put up with me.  It was a relief to have a great birthday unlike my last three birthdays.  So, I’m actually starting to get unstressed and relaxing now from my situation.  Well, back to doing laundry.  Enjoy and until next time.  Have fun!

TL

My Emotions…

Ever since my attempted suicide, I have been kind of emotional when it comes to things.  But I always played it off as my attempted suicide that I was emotional.  But it’s not totally true.  There is a second cause now at that is my diabetes.  Back on April 17, 2008, I was admitted into the hospital for Cellulites Infection.  It was during this stay that I was also diagnosed with diabetes.  Ever since then I have been very emotional.  For example, the day I got out of the hospital, I had to go back to my place and watch total strangers come in and basically take my stuff for practically nothing.  My mom and sister in law would be asking me if I need this or that and if I didn’t need it it would be thrown away.  It was just way to much for me and I literally broke down crying.  Here is a 34 year old guy crying to a point that I had to excuse myself to gather myself.  The emotions that was running through me was way to much for me.  This wasn’t the last time either that I broke down crying like this.

Over the coming months, my situation continue to worse after I finally was healed.  I basically lost my job, I did lose my apartment and had now where to live.  My life was spiraling downward and I seemed to been unable to stop it.  I was able to stay with my best friend Chris and his family for a few months before I started living out of my car in October of 2008 until March 2009.  Then I ended up having to give up my car but thankful that my trucker friend, Michael asked me to come on the road with him in the truck.  I did this for a few months before Michael ended up getting a new job and that caused me to be unable to ride along with him.  He was able to talk his dad, Doug, in allowing me stay with him for about a month or two before I wore out my welcome I guess you can say?  But then I was able to stay with Richard and Cathy in July, which was only supposed to be a month but was there until December 2009.  But it was here that I was able to start getting back on my feet slowly.  Just having a roof over my head is a big relief that I don’t think to many people understand that much.  After having this basic need met, I was able to focus on finding that job.  It took a while but in August I was able to nail down one of six positions that the Brighton Center had for AmeriCorps VISTA thanks to Denise.  But of course couldn’t start until the middle of September.

I tell you this to show you that over the last two years I cried a lot but was determined to get myself back.  As you can tell also I have a lot of people to thank for their help and support over the last two years.  There is my mom and Ed for helping me recover from my Cellulites Infection and changing my wounds, Chris and his family for allowing me to stay with them, Michael and his dad for letting me stay with them, and Richard and Cathy doing the same staying with them.  There was also Brett and my sister in law that helped clean out my old apartment.  There is a lot of other people that helped me that I’m very grateful for.

So, when April 17, 2010 came along, what did I do?  You got it, just thinking about this brought back memories that made me cry like a baby.  As I looked back over this two year of me being homeless and no job, it was hard for me.  My emotions were up and down like a yo-yo.  So, between April 17, 2010 and my birthday May 18, 2010 is going to be very emotional for me.  This is my first birthday with a roof and a place to call my own since my homelessness.  In 2008, I was recovering from my wounds and in 2009, I was in a semi truck in some state that I don’t remember.  This birthday coming up, I’m going to have a job, some real plans for a birthday, and a place to celebrate my birthday.  I’m sure before my birthday I will cry one more time or so.  Heck, over this weekend I cried as memories came flooding back to me as I rode the bus for the first time to Ft Thomas to help out with a food drive.  I used to take this bus all the time there before I got a car.

I know what you are thinking?  TL, crying is for sissies?  I’m here to tell you it’s not.  Every night there is an homeless person or families that is crying them self to sleep.  Crying is like a cleanser of the soul?  It helps them get rid of the bad and let’s them know that they are still human.  As I slowly continue to get back on my feet, there will be many more times that I’ll be crying.  But for me, it’s after a memory that I relived.  If you are lucky to see me cry in front of you, that tear or tears you see rolling down my face is pain that that memory caused being taken away.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank Bret, Christine, Danny, Ed, my mom, Chris and family, Michael, Doug, Richard and Cathy, Denise, my co workers, and whoever I forgot.  Again thank you!

TL

My Determination…

There I was in my weekly therapy session in December of 2008 talking to my therapist.  After explaining all my problems I had from the time I was little till then, which included me just starting to live out of my car for two months.  She asked a question that till this day I have been unable to answer.  That question she asked me was “where is my determination to go on coming from?”  She said that most people she seen in my situation isn’t as determine to get them self out of these situation time after time.  She stated that my moral and my determination is keeping me from giving up.  So, she asked again where all this determination coming from?  My answer to her was very simple.  I said "I don’t know”, which is the truth.  But since that session and the previous sessions till today, I couldn’t tell you.  But last night as I was sitting here watching TV and playing on the computer, something hit me.  Maybe my determination comes from my attempted suicide back in 1990?

I’m not going to lie, I really didn’t have the best high school years.  Since then, nothing much in a way of me has change.  I still have low self-esteem problems, still sit around on Friday’s and Saturday’s dateless.  After work or school over the years, would just come home and eat while watching TV and then go to bed to do the same thing over and over.  I just been going through the motion in life.  For me meeting friends isn’t really not that hard of a job.  It’s finding the significant other that has been tough.  But that’s for another story at another time.  So last night as I was watching TV, a thought came to my mind that might be an answer to the question that my therapist asked me about my determination.

You see, after my attempted suicide, I made a pact with myself that no matter how low I am in life, that suicide will never be an option or answer to my solution.  When I saw how many people I hurt back then with my suicide attempt, I made this pact.  I rather suffer myself than see people around me suffer like back then.  Is it this pact that is making me determined that every time I’m faced with a problem that this determination comes out to help me beat the problem?  All I know is when my back is up against the wall is when I’m more focused and do some of my best work.  I’m determined to beat whatever is put in front of me to make myself better.

And there is one promise that I will make to everyone and anybody that no matter how depressed I sound on twitter, this blog, text, facebook, and etc that suicide is not an option in my book.  That you can take to the bank.

TL

A Very Good Day…

As some of you all might recognized by my twitter messages that I was doing this morning that I was in a very good mood today.  I must say, it was the first time in a long time I was in this good of a mood.  It seems like whatever funk I have been in for the last month or so just lifted off of me.  I was actually basically dancing down the street on my way to the bus stop.  Then on the bus I was bobbing my head sideways like in the movie Night at the Roxbury were doing in the car but of course I didn’t bust out the windows like they did in the car.  Thank God!  It lasted all day long too.  Are things looking up for me?  It might be to early to tell but who knows?  At the end of the day at work, I turned to the person I’m sharing an office with and asked her “how did my desk get so messy?”.  She just looked at me and laughed, then said “welcome back, TL”.

I noticed it’s been a while since I last did a blog?  WOW…Maybe I was really out of it after all.  Could it be the UK news from yesterday’s recruiting haul finally turned me back into my real self?  Was it the lost to WVU that put me in this funk?  It was about the time I wrote that last post that I started being in this fun?  But enough, let’s enjoy me while I’m here.

Work is going very good.  I have made up my mind and have a game plan in place for when my year service on VISTA is over.  I’m actually hoping that I’m hired on at Brighton Center full time but if that doesn’t pan out right now and the Brighton Center will want me to return as a VISTA that I’ll be happy to do another year as a VISTA.  I really love what I’m doing here at the Brighton Center.  I can see myself actually doing what I’m doing for years on years.

Well, looks like this is all that my brain has for now.  Talk to you all later!

TL

UK lost could be UK gain…

Let me say this.  I’m disappointed in the UK lost but couldn’t be any more prouder of the team though.  Apparently it was WVU’s birthday as they seem they couldn’t miss from the 3 point line in the 1st half.  How can a team go 0 for 16 from 2 point range and 8 for 15 from 3 point range and still win the game?  Just pure luck that’s all!  Of course doesn’t help when UK couldn’t hit anything though from 3 point line.  But thank you for the great run this year.  But will say this, I know Calipari said he prefer talent over experience anytime?  I honestly prefer a combination of talent and experience anytime over just talent or experience.  The NCAA tournament is a different beast than the regular season and conference tournaments.  It’s experience that UK needed tonight against WVU that we didn’t get.  It would be experience that would know when to shoot those 3’s or get it into the big fellows.  We never know now!

Now is the hardest part for UK fans.  The wait and see what happens next.  I truly hate the one and done players.  Yes, they have the talent and etc but for basketball it’s not fair to force them to go to college if they want to play for money.  It has changed the game of basketball big times.  But this year could be a different year when a lot of one and done players actually will stay.  Because there is talk that after next year’s NBA season, there will be a lock out of players.  Which they are predicting will take out the whole season of the NBA.  So, why would a player go into the NBA for a year and then there will be a strike after the end of the year?  Why not continue to hone your skills at the college level and enjoy playing till the strike is over at the college level?

Also, this lost by UK in this game could really be a good thing for UK.  It will leave a bad taste in the players mouth knowing that this was their season to win the title but to go out like they did.  So, they might want to come back for another season to prove that and erase that taste from their mouth with a national title?  So, here is my opinion on what will happen over the next few months.  People think that Wall is gone?  I’m not quite sure he is.  I think Wall is really torn between his decision and I think he will come back for one more season.  If Wall comes back for one more season, I think you will see a domino effect happen where Cousins come back for sure.  I honestly think Cousin is definitely coming back.  As for Patterson, he has the hardest decision to make.  He can’t test the waters like the others can because he did that last year.  So, once he declares than he is lost for sure.  I think Patterson should come back for sure and not even worry about the NBA.  The only person I really don’t see coming back is Bledsoe.  I think he is either going to transfer or go to the NBA.  If Wall goes, we will have Brandon Knight in the lineup which it will mean that Bledsoe will be second again.  Therefore, Bledsoe will leave once Knight commits to UK.

Even though this will be the toughest part of the off season in waiting to see what happens to current players and to see who UK’s incoming recruits will be.  It will also be the most exciting.  I think if CJ Leslie commits to UK that we can use him to recruit Wall back to UK.  With the following potential class of Kanter, Poole, Knight, Leslie, & possibly one more recruit, along with the returnees of Cousin, Patterson, Orton, Wall, Miller, Dodson, Liggins, and Miller, UK will be loaded again for another run!

SO, LET’S THE FUN BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TL

A quick update on me…

I’ll be honest, my last few weeks haven’t been all that good for me but to go into details would be a grave mistake for me as it seems when I take about my mistakes people think I’m whining or don’t want to hear about my problems.  But that’s just me.  If you ask “How I’m doing?”, I’m not going to lie and say I’m doing fine when in reality I’m not.  Just because you see me smile, making jokes, and/or laughing doesn’t mean I’m a happy person.  In reality I’m as messed up inside.  These last few weeks my mind hasn’t been shutting off at night when I go to bed.  I just been thinking about stuff way to much.  For example, I’m going to be 36 in May and as I look back on my life, I really don’t have anything to show for it family wise.  I have no kids, no girlfriend or wife, or anything.  Been doing a lot of thinking about adopting but know that is a very long ways off.  Maybe not even feasible with the way my life is right now.  I’m reaching an age where women aren’t looking to start a family.  I want to have a family to give my lovely girlfriend or wife the love they so dutifully deserve.  Every day going to work is a welcome break as it actually occupies my mind but when I’m off work, I cringe and don’t look forward coming home.  I know when I enter my place its where everything starts going downhill for me.  I have nobody to come home to to talk too or no kids running up saying “daddy’s home" and then giving me a hug.  This is a huge thing for me.  I know what you all thinking?  You just need to get out there and talk to the women.  Well, I do and when I’m about to ask for their number or something, something happens.  For example, the other day, I was talking to this girl on the bus and I was about to ask her for her number when some jackass comes up and ask for her number.  Did that piss me off?  But that’s how things for me when it comes to women have been.  I’m just tired of being alone.  Someday I hope I can write about my wife or girlfriend and my kids.  But for the time being, I’m going to be walking alone in single land.

In other news, UK basketball is doing good in the tournament.  With Kansas losing, UK is now the favorite to win it all but UK have a big game Thursday night with Cornell.  All week we have heard about the matchup and the different angles that the media has came up with.  This is going to be a tough game for UK as it will practically be a home game for Cornell.  With Syracuse being just 45 minutes away from Cornell, I’ll be expecting a lot of red and other fans who love to root for the underdog.  If UK gets pass Cornell, they will play the winner of Washington and West Virginia on Saturday for the right into the Final Four.

Also, ended up buying an IPOD Nano finally.  The music has been helping me drown out the thoughts that have been going on and keeping me awake.  As I’m typing now, I’m listening to my Nano.  Plus, I bought an USB wireless adapter for my computer in hopes of being able to piggy back off a neighbor’s signal to get faster internet speed.  Even though I was able too it seems they know somebody has connected to their router as I get kicked off each time I log on.  What’s wrong with people now a days?  Nobody wants to share!  *lol*

I also decided what I’m going to be doing after my VISTA assignment is finished.  My ultimate goal is to get on at the Brighton Center full-time.  It’s a company that I can see myself working for that can best use the skill sets that I have.  If I don’t get on full-time, then I’m going to do VISTA for another year.  This is huge for me to set this kind of goal for myself.

TL