Cold Stone Truth About TL…

I think the blog title of this post explains where this post is going.  Over the past week or so, my co-workers and maybe some of my friends probably thought I’ve been unsociable or not happy?  It’s not that I was or anything but more like I was doing some serious thinking about myself and the things I want to accomplish between now and when I turn 40 in three years.  There are several things I want to do between now and then but before I can accomplish them I have to figure out a major detail about myself.  It’s all good and dandy that I have plans and etc but what good are they if I fizzle out in the middle of my plan?  Like I said, over the last week I’ve been looking back at all the goals and plans I had for myself only to find a disturbing pattern to all my failed plans compared to all my successful goals and plans I’ve had.  That pattern is “accountability”.

“Accountability” is a major role when it comes to achieving goals and life plans.  Without that role, how does one keep them self motivated or continue to fight the good fight when nobody is there for you to turn to or be by your side?  This is what I have noticed about myself.  I have noticed that I start my goals or life plans out like a wildfire only see it fizzle away when I have nobody that is by my side through the process.  Without that “accountability”, there are days that that I need that motivation or the kick in the ass that a friend or workout partner can provide.  In all my successful goals or plans that I have seen through, I’ve notice that this role was present but in the unsuccessful goals or plans the role wasn’t there.  For example, in 2008 after I was diagnosed with diabetes I was able to lose roughly between 80 to 100 lbs.  The strict diet I was on along with the exercising I was doing, my mom and step-dad was there.  Most importantly my step-dad was a big influence on me when it came to exercising.  My step-dad held me accountable everyday when working.  He even joined me in our walking.  Even though his was a faster walker, knowing that he was out there with me made a huge difference in me wanting to do the walk.  Because afterward, we would talk about how that workout felt or why my time was slower or faster?  It was my step-dad that was my “accountability” and got me through the walks.  Another example, is my car IDA program that I started in September 2009 which ended in me getting my car in April 2011.  The “accountability” in this goal was both the Financial Resource Specialist and the rules of the IDA program.  I mean, would I ever been able to save $2000 for my car to be eligible for my 100% match by Brighton Center without the specialist or the goals?  Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have.  I have tried before and failed miserable.  These are just a few of my examples which aren’t very many.  Don’t have many more successful examples to give though.  So, I’m going to continue think about how I can create the right “accountability” to make my goals before 40 to be successful.

What exactly is my “Goals before 40”?  I think that will be the fancy name for my goals.  What do you all think about it?  “Goals before 40” is a plan where before I turn 40 years old, I’m going to accomplish these goals.  Everybody know that when turning 40 its all downhill in life?  If that’s the truth, then I want to have fun because the first 40 hasn’t been anything but fun for me.  So, I want to kind of re-invent myself over the next three years.  But I don’t want to fail.  My “Goals before 40” has three goals to it.

• Goal #1:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to lose 150 lbs or weigh around 200 lbs.
• That means on average for the next three years, I need to lose 50 lbs per year.  That’s very doable in my book.  It’s not a goal that isn’t unattainable.
• I’m going to need to find a workout partner.  In the past when having a workout partner, I’m very dedicated to actually working out.  I have no probably on a few days to work out alone but I tend to lose focus if its day after day.  But having somebody there I know will hold me accountable.  This is where goal #2 will come into affect.
• Goal #2:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to get my diabetes under control.
• Which losing 150 lbs will go a long way in helping out this goal.  So, what I’ll be doing to start this goal is looking at two things?
• 1)  Getting educated correctly.  Usually when diagnosed, all the newbie get educated.  I didn’t have the chance to be educated or take any classes when I was in the hospital regarding diabetes. All my education up to this point is me doing the research and filling in the blanks.
• 2)  Finding a diabetes support group.  I’m hoping this will help with the “accountability” role that I’m needing.
• Goal #3:
• Before or when I turn 4o years old, I want to have in my career job.
• First, I need to know what my career job is?  That is one thing I need to find out.  What exactly is it?  Is it staying in the non-profit field which I very much liked for the last two years.  Or is it going back to the technology field?  Is it a combo of the two fields?  Or is it culinary?  Is it photography?  What exactly is it?  Might need to figure this out first before I can start my career job.

These three goals will be a major start to my “over 40” years.  As you can also tell, these three goals basically go hand in hand.  These are very attainable goals to achieve only if I have the “accountability” role in place.  Anybody have any websites or know somebody in the Northern Kentucky area that might be a great resource or person to contact?  If so, please leave a comment here.

In other news about my life, I’ve also been thinking about other aspects of my life the last few weeks.  Here is a small quick update on things going on.

One of them is about AmeriCorps.  It’s beginning to look like I’m going to be doing a third and final year of it.  Well, I have decided that it will be my final year if I do so get a third year.  I’m kind of counting on it.  AmeriCorps would help me greatly to work on my “Goals before 40” plan.  Basically be working with low income families and homelessness along with some new responsibility.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Second thing is that my car is slowly being repaired.  When I bought the car, there were some cosmetic stuff that needed to be fixed.  So, I have gradually been fixing small things.  But this week, I’m going to have my “check engine” light and my “airbag” light fixed.  I’m hoping my car will make it to this Saturday when it goes to the dealer.  I’m having some problems with it currently due to the “check engine” light.  Apparently, my car decided to give me a code of “system to lean”.  This problem started about a few weeks after I had the car.  So, barring no major expense I’m going to have it fixed this weekend.

Well, thank you for reading my whole blog post if you are reading this.  Please leave a comment.  I’m tired of having no comments because I think people don’t want to hear me but it’s all part of the “accountability” I’m talking about.  Feel free to e-mail me if you want.  I’m always looking to meet new friends.  Again, sorry for the long post.  Enjoy your morning and/or night!

TL

Happy Memorial Day…

I want to wish all our armed service members a “Happy Memorial Day” and thank you for making us safe.  Great job everybody!

This weekend was very interesting for me.  First of all, I went in on a Saturday to finish up some work so that I wouldn’t get behind for this week coming up.  If I wanted till tomorrow to do all the stuff I had to do, I would behind this week and that I didn’t want to happen.  Plus, this weekend I started back cooking meals and trying to measure out my serving size out for dinner as I’m trying to get back into eating right and get my diabetes back under control. 

Off But Not Out of Sight…

Just thought I let everybody know that starting tomorrow, Monday, April 25, 2011, I should be unhooked from the internet and cable TV for a few weeks.  With the recent purchase of a new used car, my money has been tight.  Therefore, I’m going to let some bills go for a few weeks, hopefully until May 13, when I can get back on the internet and etc.  This is only temporary until I’m able to get my money situation back under control.  Sometimes you have to prioritize what’s important.  I’ll still have my cell phone with me which does have my e-mail and some internet capabilities.  So, I’m not totally unhooked.  So, until later, peace out!

TL

Houston, we have a problem…

That’s right Houston, you all are about to be invaded by the BIG BLUE NATION!  Patrick Patterson and Chuck Hayes, I hope you all have enough room to host the BIG BLUE NATION!  GO BIG BLUE!!!!!  This team isn’t going to take it anymore.  With the play of Josh Harrellson and the other upperclassmen, has the UK Wildcats back in the Final Four.  Congratulations UK Wildcats being the East Region Champions.

So, let’s talk how UK got to be where they are heading.  This journey starts back in November with the Maui Invitational.  Ending with UConn really dismantling UK in the Championship game.  The way UK played really left a bad taste in their mouth.  Then there is the regular season that probably drove a lot of UK fans to drink or something.  How many close road games could this team lose?  I’m not talking good teams either.  I’m talking teams that UK should had blown away but struggle and lose the game by the slimiest of margins.  Not once or twice but six times.  WOW!!!  But towards the end of the regular season, UK started playing more like a team by being a team.  They made this great run in the SEC Tournament run to win the Conference Championship for the second straight year.

But then the stupid NCAA Committee decide to screw UK over again.  The first time with Enes Kanter saying he is permanently ineligible.  Like that was a great call.  But again by deciding UK was a #4 seed.  But with all that, look who is in the Final Four?  That’s right!  UK baby!!!!!

They got here when Harrellson decided to come out and play.  Want to know why Harrellson is playing like he is playing?  Not just his determination to get him in the best shape of his life and etc.  But because he isn’t ready for his college career to be over.  I’m surprised nobody really mention this.  Determination is a powerful tool but also knowing that any game could be your last game of your career.  How would you play?  Another words, he is making sure his last game isn’t a lost.  Way to go Harrellson.  Keep up the great play.  You are one of my favorite UK player.  Play tough against UConn.

The other reason UK is where they are right now?  Upperclassmen…that’s right!!!!  I know Calipari likes the one and done players but you need to surround them with upperclassmen that have the experience.  That’s where Josh Harrellson, DeAndre Liggins, and Darius Miller comes in.  They bring the necessary experience and level headedness that the freshmen need in this type of tournament.  Talent can only go so far in a tournament.  But talent and experience will take you all the way!

Another reason UK is where they are?  They can shoot.  Last years team was all great and etc but had a hard time shooting from outside.  When they got cold last year, they just continue to shoot those jumpers rather than using their strengths.  It was almost like they were stubborn.  But this years team can shoot those jumpers and make them with ease.  A big difference between last year team and this years team.  When you can spread the court by making those jumpers, it makes it a whole lot easier to drive the ball down the lane.

So, again, CONGRATULATIONS UK WILDCATS on making the Final Four.  Let’s bring home #8 baby!!!!  We got next!

TL

Two Songs that explains TL today…

Today has been a day that just is to hard to explain.  You know when people know you aren’t yourself and they keep asking you “are you ok?”?  But you lie and tell them nothing but in reality there is something wrong?  You just don’t know what?  That’s how I am feeling today.  But after depressing around and watching “GLEE’s – Original Song” episode, it somewhat came to me on how I can feel to people through two songs.

The first song would be setting the atmosphere on where I would be and that is “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Michael Bolton.  Yeah I know but I have to be honest.  But it’s not really a bay though that I’m looking out over.  It’s more like a ocean.  But somewhere out in this massive area is like a “needle in a hay stack”, which I like to call my problem.  All I know is I’m sitting on this dock looking out into this massive space knowing that my problem is out there but just don’t know where.  So, I feel like I’m just going through the motion everyday.  So, as you can tell from the lyrics it fits me perfectly as what’s going on in my head.

Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the 'Frisco bay
'Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home

Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

The sad part is whenever I have a problem, this is how it feels like sitting on the dock of the back wasting time.  It’s the same place over and over.  But something happened tonight as I was watching “GLEE”.  They did an original song called “Get it Right”.  When I get in these moods where I’m searching for my problem I tend to watch shows either about music or I watch music type shows like in this case “GLEE”.  I’m glad I picked this “GLEE” episode but as I was sitting on that dock of the bay tonight, the song they sang at the end called “Get It Right” brought several good questions about me that makes me think about “what’s wrong with me” or guide me in the right direction at least.  Here are the lyrics for “Get It Right”.

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send out a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Now this songs almost fits me to a “T”.  Every time I’m like this, I try to ask myself questions to figure out my problems or why I’m depressed or something.  The very first question is a good one that I never have asked myself.  “What have I done?” can’t be any more direct than that.  What have I done to be in this certain situation (i.e. sitting on the dock of the bay)?  I have been playing this song over and over trying to figure that out.  I honestly can’t tell you how much this song speaks to me.  In the above lyrics, everything in red is what I would be asking myself in another post that will be coming in a few days after I sit down and think about those questions.  Maybe some self reflection will help me figure out myself?  Maybe it’s something I need to do to see exactly who and what is wrong with me?

How many times have you all done what’s in green?  You know throw your fist up in the air acting like you are punching it and then saying that’s life basically?  Even though you know it’s not fair or anything but you accept it?  I know I have several times.  But no more.  It’s time to start thinking about change.  If you want to listen to the song, click here for “Get It Right” video.  Enjoy!

TL

A Small and Quick Update…

I’ve been going back and forth on if I should be sitting here right now writing this post?  One minute I do and the next minute I rather be doing something else other than writing this post even though I’m going to be sitting at the computer.  Why do I not want to be writing this post?  Sometimes I feel nobody cares what I write in this blog.  I do have a small set of friends that I do know read this blog.  So small that I can count them on one hand basically.  But I’m happy to be writing this anyway.

It’s official.  I got the official IDA word that I have completed the program and I can start looking for a car.  So, that means I can start looking for my Hyundai Elantra or Sonata that’s some where between $4,000 to $6,000.  But anything over $4,000 I have to try and get a loan for.  Here is what I have to do.  I have two months to look for this car, I have to get insurance, come from a dealership, and if I get a loan, the loan rate has to be less than 11%.  Plus, have to get the car inspected before I get the $2,000 from Brighton Center.  I’m very excited and can’t wait until I find the car I want.  Bring on the cars!

This Thursday, 3/10/2011, I’m going to be heading to my mom’s place to setup up her home network and new computer.  I will be taking off of work on Friday, 3/11/2011 and Monday, 3/14/2011 to have the time to do it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because as part of our agreement, I get her old computer that I’m replacing with the new computer.  So, I will be adding one more computer to my already large collection of computers I got here at the house.  Yippee!!!!

Speaking of computer, I recently started working on one of my computers idea for one of computers I have here.  As some of you seen from my tweet, I have introduced “Aural Euphoria” to my long list of computers I have.  “Aural Euphoria” is all about multimedia.  She is going to be my music computer where I download music and etc.  She is also going be the computer where I create my videos and podcasts.  Basically, if it’s multimedia, “Aural Euphoria” is going to be the girl handling it.  As of right now, she barely has a leg to stand on to be honest.  I have to do a lot of upgrading to “Aural Euphoria” to get her to a place where I can do all the things I want to do.  So, it will take some time but “Aural Euphoria” will get there.

Also, lately been doing a lot of thinking about life again.  I tend to do this a lot.  I don’t think people or friends really understand how much AmeriCorps have really changed my life.  If I could I would do AmeriCorps for the rest of my life but I can’t.  The max I could would be four years.  But if things go the way it does, I might not be able to do all four years as government is looking to cut it’s budget and AmeriCorps is on the chopping blocks.  Which got me thinking life lately.  Should I start ramping up my job searching machine and start looking?  Am I ready to get back into the workforce?  Is two years of AmeriCorps enough for updating my work experience I currently have?  These are the type of questions I ask myself over and over.  What do you think?  Should I start looking and applying for other jobs?  But it doesn’t stop there for me though.  Also, been thinking that I can do more.  What exactly I’m not sure?  But just have this feeling that I can do a lot more than what I’m doing.  Ever had those feelings?

Well, so much for being short and quick huh?  I guess I better head to bed.  Had serious allergies/sinus problems lately that I' seem to shake away from.  So, I need to get as much sleep as possible to feel refreshed in the morning.  Night and talk to you all later.

TL

Why O Why…

Basically the title of this post says it all.  Can this day get any worse for me?  Maybe I shouldn’t even got out of bed?  I’m very frustrated and pissed off that it’s not funny.  The more I think about it the more upset I get.  Let me tell you…1) In the last few weeks unexpected bills have been coming in.  These bills are putting a wrench in my “getting a car” plan.  Where I should be using money to pay off old debts off my credit report to complete my IDA obligations, I’m paying off these unexpected bills.  Which leads to another unexpected bill today…2)  When to get my taxes done and basically I owe $571 in state taxes.  Yes, you heard me right.  An AmeriCorps Volunteer owes money.  Great!  Basically any money I get from my federal, which is only $184 and from Ohio state taxes, $93, won’t even cover it.  So, I’m going to be forking out another $350 or so dollars.  3)  Now, Kentucky freaking loses.  Apparently they don’t want to play on the road.  So, what else can go wrong?  Can’t wait until this day is over with.

But the good news is though I might have a plan for me to still get a car on time according to my time table.  But I won’t know until Monday when I go into work and talk to a few IDA people to see if it’s possible that I can use what I pay off to the IRS as part of my IDA obligation for paying 30% of my debt.  If I can then I’ll be alright.  If not, I’m going to be a few months behind.  I was pretty sure I’ll have a car by the end of February but now I’m not sure.  We shall see.

TL

Update on my car situation…

If you all remember from several post over the last year, I have been participating in the IDA program where once I save $2,000 that I get matched 100% by Brighton Center.  In September of 2010, I made my $2,000 limit and since then started phase two of the program which was to pay off 30% of my debt off.  Well, I’m only $355 away from completing this.  In the whole process I was put on a waiting list waiting for Brighton Center get their money.  Today, I learned that Brighton Center got their money and as soon as I pay off $355 of my debt in some fashion, I will be able to get a car.  So, I’m hoping by the end of February that I will have a new used car.  I’m very excited about this.  I have been car hunting these last few months and do have a car in mind I want.  But when I’m ready to purchase it, will it be there?  That is the question.  Not to mention I have to look for car insurance.  Anybody have any suggestions?

So, if anybody want to donate some money to the “pay off TL’s debt” funds, I’ll be happy to take it.  You can always send money to me by PayPal by sending it to jacksontho at gmail dot com.  *lol*  Just kidding!

TL

Day 2: Healing Update…

Day two is upon me for the healing process of my two teeth extraction.  In my blog post below, you notice I had my wisdom and one other tooth out.  I can honestly say I have been pain free which I’m very blessed.  I never imagine it being this way.  Everybody has told me to be prepared and etc.  I only took a pain pill last night as I was going to bed because I was so sure I would wake up with pain.  But I didn’t this morning.  I did start my salt water treatment as well this morning.  The little bit of swollen I had on my face from yesterday is all gone.  So far, everything is gong great.  I couldn’t ask for anything better.  Keep sending the prays my way.

TL

It’s over with for now…

Well, I just got back from the dentist where I got two teeth pulled.  One was a wisdom and the other one was a molder.  Now the healing and pain process starts.  The extraction was fast and without any problems according to the dentist.  I got my pain meds and now I’m home resting for the next few days.  Today only I can have water only and then tomorrow I start with warm salt water three times a day.  So, keep praying for me.

TL