You Don’t Know A Thing About Me…

How appropriate is this song I’m listening to while writing this post?  It’s “Mr. Know It All” from Kelly Clarkson.  When most people are out and about having fun, I feel comfortable being inside my place.  Which is sad because then my mind start doing a lot of thinking about things that I know if I just get out of my comfort zone, I would be happy but I have nobody that’s willing to do things with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do get out and about a lot but at the end of the day, I’m right back here in my apartment.  This post isn’t going the way I want it to go like it’s going in my mind.  This weekend, I did some thinking about an unusual topic…DEATH!!!  And no it doesn’t involve me committing suicide or anything!  Everybody know when death comes for me, I’m ready to die.  I knew this since I was 17 years old.  But this weekend I got thinking that whenever I die, I won’t have a child to carry on my name like my two brothers have their own kids.  I know that I have a few decades in front of me but I just can’t help but think about this.  It’s not that I don’t know I have a problem because I do.  Things like this leads me to start thinking how I don’t know how to approach women that I might be interested in.  That’s why I’m always lonely.  Every day that goes by I can’t tell you how many women I see that I would like to get to know more.  So, when I do try to approach them I chicken out or I will just admire from a far.  Hoping that they would make the first move or they would notice me.  This is where I wish I had some kind of mentor or something that would help me get over this fear of rejection that I have inside me.  I hate that word “no”!!!!  It’s just not easy for me when it comes to things like this.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m tired of people telling me I should do this or that not because I know they are right but my problem stems deeper than that.  WOW…this post went far away what’s on my mind.  Bottom line is that I know that I have a problem and/or that most people or friends I talk to that makes judgments about me are correct but it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.  That is my problem.  I can do the talk but not the walk.  I need guidance.

TL

Can’t Fight This Feeling…

No, this isn’t a post about REO Speedwagon’s song “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.  Ever had a feeling inside you that you just can’t explain or don’t know how to fight it?  That’s what I’m having right now.  Is it a feeling of guilt?  Maybe that I could had done more for one of my families and that I let them down somehow?  Or are these feelings more about me?  How I always seem to start something but unable to finish it?  It’s like I lose focus on the bigger picture of things or maybe that the picture is to big?  Whatever this feeling I have inside me, it’s not good for me to have.  All I know is that I’m tired of having these feelings.  They aren’t healthy for me.  All I think about when I come home is how I can help these people more or how I can improve myself.  I really don’t have anybody to come home to talk to about it.  All I have is this post but even then I sometime feel nobody is reading these posts.  But I do know something?  I’m sexy and I know it!

TL

Homelessness isn’t easy…

Today, was somewhat a rough day on me.  As many know I’m the LISC AmeriCorps Housing Support Specialist where I don’t just help with the low income families/individuals but also the homeless.  It is something that is very close to my heart due to the fact that I want time I was homeless myself.  I’m in a position to give back but it’s very hard when the person I’m trying to help isn’t really willing to work at it to get out of homelessness.  Nothing is given for free without some sort of work on the person part.  There isn’t an easy fix to anything.  For example, the government throws money at homelessness thinking that will take care of it only it doesn’t.  Various agencies around the US put some limitation on their services to homelessness which is evident from outreach specialist that I follow on twitter and other social media.

I don’t claim to have all the answers but I could very well be a valuable tool with my experience at one time being homeless.  There are a lot of changes that are needed to fix homelessness across the US.  I think it starts with the actual people themselves that are homeless.  The government and agencies really need to understand the problem before they can fix the problem.  To be able to understand the problem they need to talk to the homeless and they will have a better understanding on homelessness.  Everyday, I’m exposed to homeless individuals and families that I just wish I could help more than I already can but I know I can’t because these individuals and families have to want these changes.  I’m always reminding myself that talking about my experience is a lot easier than when I was actually homeless.

As of right now, I have a potential of four families/individuals on my work plate that I can see in their eyes the determination that dig their self out of homelessness.  We started the process as I have them referred to various programs and etc.  I just hope they understand that I’m their for them if they need something.  This is what I’m great out is helping others and one of the reason I love what I’m doing.

TL

Cold Stone Truth About TL…

I think the blog title of this post explains where this post is going.  Over the past week or so, my co-workers and maybe some of my friends probably thought I’ve been unsociable or not happy?  It’s not that I was or anything but more like I was doing some serious thinking about myself and the things I want to accomplish between now and when I turn 40 in three years.  There are several things I want to do between now and then but before I can accomplish them I have to figure out a major detail about myself.  It’s all good and dandy that I have plans and etc but what good are they if I fizzle out in the middle of my plan?  Like I said, over the last week I’ve been looking back at all the goals and plans I had for myself only to find a disturbing pattern to all my failed plans compared to all my successful goals and plans I’ve had.  That pattern is “accountability”.

“Accountability” is a major role when it comes to achieving goals and life plans.  Without that role, how does one keep them self motivated or continue to fight the good fight when nobody is there for you to turn to or be by your side?  This is what I have noticed about myself.  I have noticed that I start my goals or life plans out like a wildfire only see it fizzle away when I have nobody that is by my side through the process.  Without that “accountability”, there are days that that I need that motivation or the kick in the ass that a friend or workout partner can provide.  In all my successful goals or plans that I have seen through, I’ve notice that this role was present but in the unsuccessful goals or plans the role wasn’t there.  For example, in 2008 after I was diagnosed with diabetes I was able to lose roughly between 80 to 100 lbs.  The strict diet I was on along with the exercising I was doing, my mom and step-dad was there.  Most importantly my step-dad was a big influence on me when it came to exercising.  My step-dad held me accountable everyday when working.  He even joined me in our walking.  Even though his was a faster walker, knowing that he was out there with me made a huge difference in me wanting to do the walk.  Because afterward, we would talk about how that workout felt or why my time was slower or faster?  It was my step-dad that was my “accountability” and got me through the walks.  Another example, is my car IDA program that I started in September 2009 which ended in me getting my car in April 2011.  The “accountability” in this goal was both the Financial Resource Specialist and the rules of the IDA program.  I mean, would I ever been able to save $2000 for my car to be eligible for my 100% match by Brighton Center without the specialist or the goals?  Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have.  I have tried before and failed miserable.  These are just a few of my examples which aren’t very many.  Don’t have many more successful examples to give though.  So, I’m going to continue think about how I can create the right “accountability” to make my goals before 40 to be successful.

What exactly is my “Goals before 40”?  I think that will be the fancy name for my goals.  What do you all think about it?  “Goals before 40” is a plan where before I turn 40 years old, I’m going to accomplish these goals.  Everybody know that when turning 40 its all downhill in life?  If that’s the truth, then I want to have fun because the first 40 hasn’t been anything but fun for me.  So, I want to kind of re-invent myself over the next three years.  But I don’t want to fail.  My “Goals before 40” has three goals to it.

• Goal #1:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to lose 150 lbs or weigh around 200 lbs.
• That means on average for the next three years, I need to lose 50 lbs per year.  That’s very doable in my book.  It’s not a goal that isn’t unattainable.
• I’m going to need to find a workout partner.  In the past when having a workout partner, I’m very dedicated to actually working out.  I have no probably on a few days to work out alone but I tend to lose focus if its day after day.  But having somebody there I know will hold me accountable.  This is where goal #2 will come into affect.
• Goal #2:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to get my diabetes under control.
• Which losing 150 lbs will go a long way in helping out this goal.  So, what I’ll be doing to start this goal is looking at two things?
• 1)  Getting educated correctly.  Usually when diagnosed, all the newbie get educated.  I didn’t have the chance to be educated or take any classes when I was in the hospital regarding diabetes. All my education up to this point is me doing the research and filling in the blanks.
• 2)  Finding a diabetes support group.  I’m hoping this will help with the “accountability” role that I’m needing.
• Goal #3:
• Before or when I turn 4o years old, I want to have in my career job.
• First, I need to know what my career job is?  That is one thing I need to find out.  What exactly is it?  Is it staying in the non-profit field which I very much liked for the last two years.  Or is it going back to the technology field?  Is it a combo of the two fields?  Or is it culinary?  Is it photography?  What exactly is it?  Might need to figure this out first before I can start my career job.

These three goals will be a major start to my “over 40” years.  As you can also tell, these three goals basically go hand in hand.  These are very attainable goals to achieve only if I have the “accountability” role in place.  Anybody have any websites or know somebody in the Northern Kentucky area that might be a great resource or person to contact?  If so, please leave a comment here.

In other news about my life, I’ve also been thinking about other aspects of my life the last few weeks.  Here is a small quick update on things going on.

One of them is about AmeriCorps.  It’s beginning to look like I’m going to be doing a third and final year of it.  Well, I have decided that it will be my final year if I do so get a third year.  I’m kind of counting on it.  AmeriCorps would help me greatly to work on my “Goals before 40” plan.  Basically be working with low income families and homelessness along with some new responsibility.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Second thing is that my car is slowly being repaired.  When I bought the car, there were some cosmetic stuff that needed to be fixed.  So, I have gradually been fixing small things.  But this week, I’m going to have my “check engine” light and my “airbag” light fixed.  I’m hoping my car will make it to this Saturday when it goes to the dealer.  I’m having some problems with it currently due to the “check engine” light.  Apparently, my car decided to give me a code of “system to lean”.  This problem started about a few weeks after I had the car.  So, barring no major expense I’m going to have it fixed this weekend.

Well, thank you for reading my whole blog post if you are reading this.  Please leave a comment.  I’m tired of having no comments because I think people don’t want to hear me but it’s all part of the “accountability” I’m talking about.  Feel free to e-mail me if you want.  I’m always looking to meet new friends.  Again, sorry for the long post.  Enjoy your morning and/or night!

TL

Two Songs that explains TL today…

Today has been a day that just is to hard to explain.  You know when people know you aren’t yourself and they keep asking you “are you ok?”?  But you lie and tell them nothing but in reality there is something wrong?  You just don’t know what?  That’s how I am feeling today.  But after depressing around and watching “GLEE’s – Original Song” episode, it somewhat came to me on how I can feel to people through two songs.

The first song would be setting the atmosphere on where I would be and that is “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Michael Bolton.  Yeah I know but I have to be honest.  But it’s not really a bay though that I’m looking out over.  It’s more like a ocean.  But somewhere out in this massive area is like a “needle in a hay stack”, which I like to call my problem.  All I know is I’m sitting on this dock looking out into this massive space knowing that my problem is out there but just don’t know where.  So, I feel like I’m just going through the motion everyday.  So, as you can tell from the lyrics it fits me perfectly as what’s going on in my head.

Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the 'Frisco bay
'Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home

Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

The sad part is whenever I have a problem, this is how it feels like sitting on the dock of the back wasting time.  It’s the same place over and over.  But something happened tonight as I was watching “GLEE”.  They did an original song called “Get it Right”.  When I get in these moods where I’m searching for my problem I tend to watch shows either about music or I watch music type shows like in this case “GLEE”.  I’m glad I picked this “GLEE” episode but as I was sitting on that dock of the bay tonight, the song they sang at the end called “Get It Right” brought several good questions about me that makes me think about “what’s wrong with me” or guide me in the right direction at least.  Here are the lyrics for “Get It Right”.

What have I done? I wish I could
Away from this ship goin’ under
Just tryin’ to help, hurt everyone
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send out a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Now this songs almost fits me to a “T”.  Every time I’m like this, I try to ask myself questions to figure out my problems or why I’m depressed or something.  The very first question is a good one that I never have asked myself.  “What have I done?” can’t be any more direct than that.  What have I done to be in this certain situation (i.e. sitting on the dock of the bay)?  I have been playing this song over and over trying to figure that out.  I honestly can’t tell you how much this song speaks to me.  In the above lyrics, everything in red is what I would be asking myself in another post that will be coming in a few days after I sit down and think about those questions.  Maybe some self reflection will help me figure out myself?  Maybe it’s something I need to do to see exactly who and what is wrong with me?

How many times have you all done what’s in green?  You know throw your fist up in the air acting like you are punching it and then saying that’s life basically?  Even though you know it’s not fair or anything but you accept it?  I know I have several times.  But no more.  It’s time to start thinking about change.  If you want to listen to the song, click here for “Get It Right” video.  Enjoy!

TL

A Small and Quick Update…

I’ve been going back and forth on if I should be sitting here right now writing this post?  One minute I do and the next minute I rather be doing something else other than writing this post even though I’m going to be sitting at the computer.  Why do I not want to be writing this post?  Sometimes I feel nobody cares what I write in this blog.  I do have a small set of friends that I do know read this blog.  So small that I can count them on one hand basically.  But I’m happy to be writing this anyway.

It’s official.  I got the official IDA word that I have completed the program and I can start looking for a car.  So, that means I can start looking for my Hyundai Elantra or Sonata that’s some where between $4,000 to $6,000.  But anything over $4,000 I have to try and get a loan for.  Here is what I have to do.  I have two months to look for this car, I have to get insurance, come from a dealership, and if I get a loan, the loan rate has to be less than 11%.  Plus, have to get the car inspected before I get the $2,000 from Brighton Center.  I’m very excited and can’t wait until I find the car I want.  Bring on the cars!

This Thursday, 3/10/2011, I’m going to be heading to my mom’s place to setup up her home network and new computer.  I will be taking off of work on Friday, 3/11/2011 and Monday, 3/14/2011 to have the time to do it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because as part of our agreement, I get her old computer that I’m replacing with the new computer.  So, I will be adding one more computer to my already large collection of computers I got here at the house.  Yippee!!!!

Speaking of computer, I recently started working on one of my computers idea for one of computers I have here.  As some of you seen from my tweet, I have introduced “Aural Euphoria” to my long list of computers I have.  “Aural Euphoria” is all about multimedia.  She is going to be my music computer where I download music and etc.  She is also going be the computer where I create my videos and podcasts.  Basically, if it’s multimedia, “Aural Euphoria” is going to be the girl handling it.  As of right now, she barely has a leg to stand on to be honest.  I have to do a lot of upgrading to “Aural Euphoria” to get her to a place where I can do all the things I want to do.  So, it will take some time but “Aural Euphoria” will get there.

Also, lately been doing a lot of thinking about life again.  I tend to do this a lot.  I don’t think people or friends really understand how much AmeriCorps have really changed my life.  If I could I would do AmeriCorps for the rest of my life but I can’t.  The max I could would be four years.  But if things go the way it does, I might not be able to do all four years as government is looking to cut it’s budget and AmeriCorps is on the chopping blocks.  Which got me thinking life lately.  Should I start ramping up my job searching machine and start looking?  Am I ready to get back into the workforce?  Is two years of AmeriCorps enough for updating my work experience I currently have?  These are the type of questions I ask myself over and over.  What do you think?  Should I start looking and applying for other jobs?  But it doesn’t stop there for me though.  Also, been thinking that I can do more.  What exactly I’m not sure?  But just have this feeling that I can do a lot more than what I’m doing.  Ever had those feelings?

Well, so much for being short and quick huh?  I guess I better head to bed.  Had serious allergies/sinus problems lately that I' seem to shake away from.  So, I need to get as much sleep as possible to feel refreshed in the morning.  Night and talk to you all later.

TL

Year 2011: Preview…

So, what does the year 2011 have installed for me?  As I’m sitting here in somewhat of pain from my tooth ache, the first thing I have coming up is pulling of a wisdom and one other tooth on January 21.  You know I’m looking forward for that.  NOT!!!!!!!!  Here are some things that should be coming up this year.  Of course not in any particular order.

1)  Car – last year I saved up my $2000 and this year Brighton Center should be release their part of the deal to me soon.  So, I’m kind of looking for me getting a car around the end of February or beginning of March.

2)  Possibly moving – Even though it’s not far but I’m looking to move into a two bedroom apartment here where I’m already staying.  If I can talk the landlord into the right lease and deal.  I’ll basically be moving next door where my neighbor/good friend moved out.  I’m going to talk to the landlord this week coming up.

3)  Vacation – for the first time in years, I’m looking to take a vacation.  Right now it’s scheduled for May 16 thru May 20, 2011.  In this week, sits my birthday.  Usually I just take my birthday day off but decided to do the whole week because I get a paid vacation from work.  Where I’m going is still up in the air.  Not quite sure yet or I might just stay home?

4)  AmeriCorps – My service year ends in September.  I do want to do another year of AmeriCorps but it has to be like a promotion for me.  So, if I don’t get hired somewhere, I’m planning on doing another year of AmeriCorps. I’m allowed up to four years of service.

5)  My Health – This is always on my agenda every year.  I need to start regulating my diabetes and monitoring my health better this year.  I really can’t afford these medical bills.  So, need to find a way to make myself more healthier.

6)  Visiting my mom – My mom wants me to come down soon to help her setup and transfer files from her old computer to her new computer.  That will probably be my first long trip shortly after getting the car.

7)  Computers – Maybe during this year, I can get some of my other computers back up and running.  So that I can either sell them or put them to use like I planned on using them in the first place.  Plus, I would like to create my own computer case from the plexi-glass that I’ve been saving for years.  Basically I have ideas with each of these computers I got.  For example, I want one computer to hold nothing but my music, movies, and videos files.  Another computer I want to turn into a server so that I can learn how to run a server.  I really have somewhat gotten away from this field.  I need to get back into technology.  It’s what my Master degree is in.

8)  Photography – I want to get back into photography.  This is something I have kind of gotten away from over the last few years.  But every time I hold a camera in my hand, I feel the happiness and my senses coming back to me.  So, one of my computers will be a photography editing computer.  But first I will need to save up for a Cannon Digital SLR during this year.

9)  2nd Job – Since I’m able to get a 2nd job this year, I might just do this to help with paying some of my bills, to save for that digital camera, and help fix my computers.  There is one particular job I wouldn’t mind working and that’s at a movie theatre.  So, I might apply for part time at one near by?

10)  Blog more – Something I want to do more of is blog.  I have a unique life that I can share my experiences with people.  Only if they come and leave comments and etc.  I know I might not be the best writer in the world but I have all kinds of information that it’s not funny and I want to share it.

So, if anybody wants to help me achieve any of my goals, please feel free to contact me.  I’m not always looking for money.  I’m also looking for a mentor in photography, computers, and in life.  I always wanted a mentor but never really got one.  I’m always needing guidance in something.  I’m a great person to be around and etc.

TL

2010: A Year In Review…

This was my first full year of being re-housed since I’ve been homeless.  Even though I was re-housed the last month of 2009, I was able to stay in the same place all year in 2010.  It started out rough for me as I had to get used to the idea that I had a place over my head.  But it didn’t take long before other feelings started to come back to me.  For example, the feeling of loneliness of when I came home from work every day.  But that was remedy later on in the year as I got a roommate.  Even though it’s different, have a friend to talk to is always a plus.  More about him later on in this post.  Year 2010 saw me grow as a person.  I think many of my friends would agree with me.  Even some of them think that being homeless was probably the best thing that happen to me.  Even though I understand where they are coming from, I would have to disagree.  Because I wouldn’t wish being homeless on anybody.  Being homeless is a totally different ball game.  But for me it did something though.  It kicked my determination into high gear.  Want to get motivated, become homeless?  So, what did the year 2010 have for me?  Well, let me tell you.

First, it was AmeriCorps.  Being an AmeriCorps member has did a lot.  I met more people that either are or were in a similar position like I was.  These are people that really are their selves.  No playing game or anything.  The sit down with you and they listen.  They don’t act to be your friends, they are your friends.

Just AmeriCorps alone has done more for me in 2010 than I probably could for myself.  Besides friends, I started job training.  The more I work as an AmeriCorps member, the more on the job training experience I get.  It has helped me update my resume for my job career.  Until September 15, 2010, I was a VISTA member and then switched over to LISC AmeriCorps for this last three months of 2010 where I am currently.   The switch from VISTA to LISC is actually a promotion.  It was more money but more responsibility came with the job.  Also, I’m impacting family lives in my current position.  But don’t get me wrong, as VISTA I was still impacting family lives but only behind the scenes.  For example, it was all about making a method of a program that’s already in place and make it better.  So another words, make it run smoother.  Which I did.  One of the projects took off big times and that was my housing packet.  This packet went out to over 4500 people within the community.  Now, as a LISC worker, I’m impacting family’s lives as I’m working directly with them.  I’m able to give people what they need.  It’s been amazing so for.  I can only imagine what 2011 will hold for me in this area.

Brighton Center is an amazing place.  To have this opportunity to work for them has been humbling for me.  They have helped me in many ways.  For example, they helped me pay off some of my bills so that I had no barrier to worry about when it comes to getting this place I’m currently living out.  They helped pay off my last landlord when I was unable too.  They also paid off Duke Energy bill that I had from my last place.  Plus a few other things.  But I think the biggest thing they helped me with that is immeasurable is the ability to get me to save money.  In 2010, I started my IDA account for a car.  I was able to save up $2000 in which they will match me $2000 to use to get a great car which will come in 2011.  So, budgeting was an important for me in 2010.  They actually got me to budget which I tried many times before.  But still have some problems and a long ways to go before I can say I’m successful at it.  But it’s a start.  Having great co-workers is a plus too.  It’s amazing what one can learn from co-workers at the work place.  I’m grateful for Brighton Center and hopefully I will be hired on as an employee there.

Besides for my work life, other part of my life was enhanced in some way.  My personal life has seen me go out more with friends and do more things that I normally don’t know.  Like going to events that are here in the Northern Kentucky area like wine tastings, motorcycle rally, and do more volunteering.  I was able to visit my mom for the first time in a few years.  I also adopted a family for Christmas as I bought presents for a single mom and her two kids.

Even though it seems that 2010 was all good, it wasn’t.  There were times that I had to deal with something or help a friend or two with a problem.  2010 has seen two of my friends going through a divorce.  Going thru a divorce can and is a tough thing to do.  But having a friend that is always there for them can help cushion the blow some.  One of them is my roommate right now.  He knows he has a roof over his head and a friend to talk to anytime he wants to talk.  The other friend has just started the process the last few months of the year but he will know what to do but until then, he knows he has a friend in me.  Another thing that hasn’t went good for me is my health.  My diabetes are still high but that will change soon though.

You see year 2010 wasn’t the worse or the best but it’s by far since my homelessness the best year I have had and it can only get better for me.  What does 2011 have install for me?  Got to come back when I do my “2011 Preview” post in the next few days.

TL

Been thinking today...

Today was a very interesting day for me. As I have been job searching for that elusive job, I have been doing some thinking about some things like 1) moving to San Antonio; 2) owning a house; 3) job searching; and 4) me!

1) Moving to San Antonio has been something I have been wanting to do for a long time. But I will be honest though that I'm afraid to head down there because I'm actually going to move down there without a place to live, a job, no money, and basically no family or friends in the area somewhat. You see I'm trying to work on a plan that gets me down there. Right now, I would have to live in a homeless shelter for a few weeks or months until I find that job. Now I do have some job leads but it's not guarantee that those leads turns into a job. But the good news is once I do find a job and start saving up, I can at least move to transitional housing that San Antonio have. But that is still worrisome for me though. Also, even though I do have a brother and his family living in San Antonio, I'm pretty much on myself as it seems he doesn't want anything to do with me I guess? I mainly want somebody in the area to know that I'm there and help me out.

2) As I been job searching, I have been watching tv on the HGTV channel and watching different shows like "My First Place", "Property Virgins", and "House Hunters" and I find myself wanting to own my own house. Something I have thought about several times over the years but never really thought about it like I am now as I been watching these shows for a while the last few weeks. But a lot of work have to be done before I could own my own place like getting my credit under control, paying off my school loans, getting a job, and etc. Maybe this is something I can use to motivate myself?

3) As for my job searching, there is a lot of things I like to be doing but just don't have the experience or the education to do those things that I want to do. Also, I find myself applying at the same place over and over for the same position. Seems like these people would see I'm interested in these jobs. But we shall see again but one thing I do know for a fact is that I'm going to be moving to whatever town for where the job is.

4) I'm glad I have been doing some thinking about myself lately as to what I want to do with my life, how I need to change, how I got into this position and etc. But bottom line is that I know I need to get help and I will once I do get a job and get money coming in. I need all types of help like for financing to my life.

TL