You Don’t Know A Thing About Me…

How appropriate is this song I’m listening to while writing this post?  It’s “Mr. Know It All” from Kelly Clarkson.  When most people are out and about having fun, I feel comfortable being inside my place.  Which is sad because then my mind start doing a lot of thinking about things that I know if I just get out of my comfort zone, I would be happy but I have nobody that’s willing to do things with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I do get out and about a lot but at the end of the day, I’m right back here in my apartment.  This post isn’t going the way I want it to go like it’s going in my mind.  This weekend, I did some thinking about an unusual topic…DEATH!!!  And no it doesn’t involve me committing suicide or anything!  Everybody know when death comes for me, I’m ready to die.  I knew this since I was 17 years old.  But this weekend I got thinking that whenever I die, I won’t have a child to carry on my name like my two brothers have their own kids.  I know that I have a few decades in front of me but I just can’t help but think about this.  It’s not that I don’t know I have a problem because I do.  Things like this leads me to start thinking how I don’t know how to approach women that I might be interested in.  That’s why I’m always lonely.  Every day that goes by I can’t tell you how many women I see that I would like to get to know more.  So, when I do try to approach them I chicken out or I will just admire from a far.  Hoping that they would make the first move or they would notice me.  This is where I wish I had some kind of mentor or something that would help me get over this fear of rejection that I have inside me.  I hate that word “no”!!!!  It’s just not easy for me when it comes to things like this.  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m tired of people telling me I should do this or that not because I know they are right but my problem stems deeper than that.  WOW…this post went far away what’s on my mind.  Bottom line is that I know that I have a problem and/or that most people or friends I talk to that makes judgments about me are correct but it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.  That is my problem.  I can do the talk but not the walk.  I need guidance.

TL

Can’t Fight This Feeling…

No, this isn’t a post about REO Speedwagon’s song “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.  Ever had a feeling inside you that you just can’t explain or don’t know how to fight it?  That’s what I’m having right now.  Is it a feeling of guilt?  Maybe that I could had done more for one of my families and that I let them down somehow?  Or are these feelings more about me?  How I always seem to start something but unable to finish it?  It’s like I lose focus on the bigger picture of things or maybe that the picture is to big?  Whatever this feeling I have inside me, it’s not good for me to have.  All I know is that I’m tired of having these feelings.  They aren’t healthy for me.  All I think about when I come home is how I can help these people more or how I can improve myself.  I really don’t have anybody to come home to talk to about it.  All I have is this post but even then I sometime feel nobody is reading these posts.  But I do know something?  I’m sexy and I know it!

TL

Homelessness isn’t easy…

Today, was somewhat a rough day on me.  As many know I’m the LISC AmeriCorps Housing Support Specialist where I don’t just help with the low income families/individuals but also the homeless.  It is something that is very close to my heart due to the fact that I want time I was homeless myself.  I’m in a position to give back but it’s very hard when the person I’m trying to help isn’t really willing to work at it to get out of homelessness.  Nothing is given for free without some sort of work on the person part.  There isn’t an easy fix to anything.  For example, the government throws money at homelessness thinking that will take care of it only it doesn’t.  Various agencies around the US put some limitation on their services to homelessness which is evident from outreach specialist that I follow on twitter and other social media.

I don’t claim to have all the answers but I could very well be a valuable tool with my experience at one time being homeless.  There are a lot of changes that are needed to fix homelessness across the US.  I think it starts with the actual people themselves that are homeless.  The government and agencies really need to understand the problem before they can fix the problem.  To be able to understand the problem they need to talk to the homeless and they will have a better understanding on homelessness.  Everyday, I’m exposed to homeless individuals and families that I just wish I could help more than I already can but I know I can’t because these individuals and families have to want these changes.  I’m always reminding myself that talking about my experience is a lot easier than when I was actually homeless.

As of right now, I have a potential of four families/individuals on my work plate that I can see in their eyes the determination that dig their self out of homelessness.  We started the process as I have them referred to various programs and etc.  I just hope they understand that I’m their for them if they need something.  This is what I’m great out is helping others and one of the reason I love what I’m doing.

TL

Missed me????

Did you all missed me?  Well, I’m not totally back on the internet but just have enough signal from somebody around me that is allowing me to type up blog.  A lot has happened since my last blog attempt.  As you notice, blogging from my cell phone really didn’t work out the way I thought it would.  So, I decided not to use my cell phone but will definitely try again soon.  Trying to find some good apps for my Smartphone that will allow me better control of my blogging.  I’m still struggling in life but that’s expected.  One of my struggles is my financial situation.  Seems like that’s just getting worse and worse.  I was hoping to have my internet back by now but things aren’t working out.  I’m hoping to have it back after the New Year.  Did I really just say that?  Is the new year about to be upon us?  Man, does time fly?  As soon has I have more time and a better internet connection, I will blog a better update on me.  For the time being, if any of my friends need anything, please e-mail me, text me, call me (for the ones that know where to find my number on the internet), or throw up the bat signal.  Until then, this post is to let friends and family know I’m still here and will always be here somehow.

TL

ng on.

feed still. You can see that on the right of the screen. If this works I might use this method to post to my Blog & give you all updates what's been goi

1st time texting my post from my phone. But don't worry I will be getting my internet connection back soon. For the mean time I will be doing my twitter

For those of you all wondering why I haven't updated my Blog in a while is that I'm currently without internet connection except for my phone. This is my

Showing my car the lovin’…

Today was supposed to be the day that I get my Goldie (aka the car) fixed and show Goldie some lovin’.  But Goldie decided she wanted to be a spoiled brat.  *lol*  It turns out that Goldie is going to require a lot more lovin’ and money to fix her up.  I was finally able to get my car hooked up to the dealer's diagnostic computer today to really see the extent of the motor problems that have been occurring to Goldie. 

1)  Timing Belts - So, before I can really fix the root of Goldie’s problem, I’m going to have to spend nearly $400 on getting the timing belts replaced and fixed.  If I don’t do this first, then the worst case scenario would be buying a used or new motor starting at $3400.

2)  Coils, wires, and plugs – with the timing belts replaced, it is also required to either replace and/or re-sync the coils, wires, and plugs in Goldie that throws off the timing.  This is another $400.

3)  Input & output Speed Sensors & the trans range switch – These sensors are the real root of my problem.  It’s these sensors why my check engine lights stay on.  Therefore fixing these will take care of the problem.  But just fixing the sensors will run another $300.  But then it’s also another $135 to fix the trans range switch.  Basically looking at nearly $450 to fix the sensors and the switch.

4)  Upper Oil Pan & Rocker cover gasket – Another $400 to have the upper oil pan resealed and the rocker cover gasket fixed.  They did say this isn’t as bad but over time it can turn into being back.

5)  Airbag light – as I mention when I bought the car that the airbag light has been on the whole time.  Right now, it’s not as important to get it fixed but finally got the answer I was looking for though.  As long as that light is on, the airbags won’t deploy if I’m ever in an accident.  For them to attempt to fix this problem, they have to take the seats out of the car and try to re-wire the wires which would cost roughly $90.  If they can’t, then the worse case scenario would be to install harnesses which would roughly cost $3000.

So, as you see my day of showing Goldie some lovin’ really turned into a nightmare.  I really didn’t expect this much problems with her but I have the problem now.  My mechanic will be calling me on Monday he said to see what he can come up with as a plan of attack for making these fixes.  Of course it doesn’t help when I really don’t have the money for this.  It’s part of life and growing up.  Time for me to start acting like an adult and take responsibility for things.  I bought this car and now going to have to figure out some kind of plan.  One that just popped in my head is the warranty that I bought?  I wonder if any of these repairs can be fixed under the warranty?  Something I will look into more tomorrow.  I let you all know more about what is happening to Goldie.  In the mean times send prays and money my way.

TL

Cold Stone Truth About TL…

I think the blog title of this post explains where this post is going.  Over the past week or so, my co-workers and maybe some of my friends probably thought I’ve been unsociable or not happy?  It’s not that I was or anything but more like I was doing some serious thinking about myself and the things I want to accomplish between now and when I turn 40 in three years.  There are several things I want to do between now and then but before I can accomplish them I have to figure out a major detail about myself.  It’s all good and dandy that I have plans and etc but what good are they if I fizzle out in the middle of my plan?  Like I said, over the last week I’ve been looking back at all the goals and plans I had for myself only to find a disturbing pattern to all my failed plans compared to all my successful goals and plans I’ve had.  That pattern is “accountability”.

“Accountability” is a major role when it comes to achieving goals and life plans.  Without that role, how does one keep them self motivated or continue to fight the good fight when nobody is there for you to turn to or be by your side?  This is what I have noticed about myself.  I have noticed that I start my goals or life plans out like a wildfire only see it fizzle away when I have nobody that is by my side through the process.  Without that “accountability”, there are days that that I need that motivation or the kick in the ass that a friend or workout partner can provide.  In all my successful goals or plans that I have seen through, I’ve notice that this role was present but in the unsuccessful goals or plans the role wasn’t there.  For example, in 2008 after I was diagnosed with diabetes I was able to lose roughly between 80 to 100 lbs.  The strict diet I was on along with the exercising I was doing, my mom and step-dad was there.  Most importantly my step-dad was a big influence on me when it came to exercising.  My step-dad held me accountable everyday when working.  He even joined me in our walking.  Even though his was a faster walker, knowing that he was out there with me made a huge difference in me wanting to do the walk.  Because afterward, we would talk about how that workout felt or why my time was slower or faster?  It was my step-dad that was my “accountability” and got me through the walks.  Another example, is my car IDA program that I started in September 2009 which ended in me getting my car in April 2011.  The “accountability” in this goal was both the Financial Resource Specialist and the rules of the IDA program.  I mean, would I ever been able to save $2000 for my car to be eligible for my 100% match by Brighton Center without the specialist or the goals?  Believe it or not, I wouldn’t have.  I have tried before and failed miserable.  These are just a few of my examples which aren’t very many.  Don’t have many more successful examples to give though.  So, I’m going to continue think about how I can create the right “accountability” to make my goals before 40 to be successful.

What exactly is my “Goals before 40”?  I think that will be the fancy name for my goals.  What do you all think about it?  “Goals before 40” is a plan where before I turn 40 years old, I’m going to accomplish these goals.  Everybody know that when turning 40 its all downhill in life?  If that’s the truth, then I want to have fun because the first 40 hasn’t been anything but fun for me.  So, I want to kind of re-invent myself over the next three years.  But I don’t want to fail.  My “Goals before 40” has three goals to it.

• Goal #1:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to lose 150 lbs or weigh around 200 lbs.
• That means on average for the next three years, I need to lose 50 lbs per year.  That’s very doable in my book.  It’s not a goal that isn’t unattainable.
• I’m going to need to find a workout partner.  In the past when having a workout partner, I’m very dedicated to actually working out.  I have no probably on a few days to work out alone but I tend to lose focus if its day after day.  But having somebody there I know will hold me accountable.  This is where goal #2 will come into affect.
• Goal #2:
• Before or when I turn 40 years old, I want to get my diabetes under control.
• Which losing 150 lbs will go a long way in helping out this goal.  So, what I’ll be doing to start this goal is looking at two things?
• 1)  Getting educated correctly.  Usually when diagnosed, all the newbie get educated.  I didn’t have the chance to be educated or take any classes when I was in the hospital regarding diabetes. All my education up to this point is me doing the research and filling in the blanks.
• 2)  Finding a diabetes support group.  I’m hoping this will help with the “accountability” role that I’m needing.
• Goal #3:
• Before or when I turn 4o years old, I want to have in my career job.
• First, I need to know what my career job is?  That is one thing I need to find out.  What exactly is it?  Is it staying in the non-profit field which I very much liked for the last two years.  Or is it going back to the technology field?  Is it a combo of the two fields?  Or is it culinary?  Is it photography?  What exactly is it?  Might need to figure this out first before I can start my career job.

These three goals will be a major start to my “over 40” years.  As you can also tell, these three goals basically go hand in hand.  These are very attainable goals to achieve only if I have the “accountability” role in place.  Anybody have any websites or know somebody in the Northern Kentucky area that might be a great resource or person to contact?  If so, please leave a comment here.

In other news about my life, I’ve also been thinking about other aspects of my life the last few weeks.  Here is a small quick update on things going on.

One of them is about AmeriCorps.  It’s beginning to look like I’m going to be doing a third and final year of it.  Well, I have decided that it will be my final year if I do so get a third year.  I’m kind of counting on it.  AmeriCorps would help me greatly to work on my “Goals before 40” plan.  Basically be working with low income families and homelessness along with some new responsibility.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Second thing is that my car is slowly being repaired.  When I bought the car, there were some cosmetic stuff that needed to be fixed.  So, I have gradually been fixing small things.  But this week, I’m going to have my “check engine” light and my “airbag” light fixed.  I’m hoping my car will make it to this Saturday when it goes to the dealer.  I’m having some problems with it currently due to the “check engine” light.  Apparently, my car decided to give me a code of “system to lean”.  This problem started about a few weeks after I had the car.  So, barring no major expense I’m going to have it fixed this weekend.

Well, thank you for reading my whole blog post if you are reading this.  Please leave a comment.  I’m tired of having no comments because I think people don’t want to hear me but it’s all part of the “accountability” I’m talking about.  Feel free to e-mail me if you want.  I’m always looking to meet new friends.  Again, sorry for the long post.  Enjoy your morning and/or night!

TL